When friendship isn't enough – a Wolfstar fanfiction
by Alaisabel
Summary: One day Sirius kisses Remus, but why? and does he know how Remus feels about him? Marauder era about 6th year. Mainly Remus' POW.
1. Chapter 1

**When friendship isn't enough – a Wolfstar fanfiction**

Remus stood in the dorm, looking out on the trees. Their leaves were turning red, brown and golden in a thousand different nuances, it was a beautiful autumn-day, far too beautiful to spend time indoor actually, but as so often before he preferred reading to running around outside.

Remus looked up as Sirius opened the door to the dorm. Sirius was as handsome as ever, stroking his long black hair nonchalant. Remus shook his head lightly, hoping that Sirius hadn't noticed the faint blush spreading on his cheeks. Sirius flung himself on Remus' bed, lying on the back "I'm bored" he moaned Remus sighed and replied: "You always are, Pad" Sirius mumbled something inaudible before rolling into a sitting position and snatching Remus' book. "Hey! I was reading that" Remus exclaimed launching for his book "Notice the past tense" Sirius said in a mocking tone "Why do you always have to be that boring, Moony? Your head always stuck in a book or making homework" "We can't all be dashing ladykillers who enjoy to bully innocent people, can we now?" Remus said in an offended tone "But that doesn't mean that I'm…" Remus froze in shock as Sirius' lips met his, but that didn't seem to stop Sirius kissing him, Remus slowly answered the kiss with a longing that surprised even him. Encouraged, Sirius started unbuttoning Remus' shirt. Remus flung his eyes open and removed Sirius' hands, something flashed in the other boy's grey eyes, a feeling Remus couldn't quite decipher, "What are you doing?" Remus asked, "As I said, I'm bored" Sirius replied, the flash gone from his eyes, he now looked almost bored at Remus. "So you thought you'd just jump on your friend for entertainment, is that it?" Remus snapped, feeling the tears threating to appear, he violently pushed Sirius away and ran from the room, slamming the door behind him, bumping into people on his way out of the commonroom.

He felt the tears streaming down his face as he made his way out of the castle _What did you expect? That he actually liked you? _

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That was chapter one ^^ hope you enjoyed it. Sorry that it was rather short, I'll try to make the next one longer. Reviews are appreciated :3


	2. By the riverside – Chapter 2

Hi ^^ just wanted to say, that I love you all :3

Ooh and I know that "you can't call it 'By the riverside' It's a lake"... yeah... I don't care... it just sounded better I guess ^^

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Chapter 2 – By the riverside

Remus wrapped his scarred arms around his knees and stared into The Black Lake. Even though it was still a beautiful day it was freezing and he quivered slightly.

The water looked as cold, dark and uninviting as ever and Remus couldn't help but bitterly think that whatever foul creatures the lake hid, they couldn't be half as horrible as himself, who once a month turned into a monster, not knowing what he was doing, capable of killing even his closest friends without a second thought, he shook the thought off, only to drown in another one.

Why had Sirius kissed him? He didn't understand it. It _was _something Sirius would do, he had to admit, kissing a person because he was bored, but one of his closest friends? Remus had known Sirius for more than six years and he couldn't imagine him doing such a thing out of boredom. On the other hand Sirius had always been careless, never thinking of how his unconsidered actions affected anybody else.

Sirius had had so many girlfriends, that even Remus had given up counting, but none of his relationships had lasted long, only 'till he got bored and found another girl. His longest relationship had lasted for about 3 weeks and even then he hadn't been in love with the poor girl.

Remus had never had a girlfriend. Both his parents and friends were beginning to worry. Remus kept telling himself that he just hadn't found the right girl yet, that he was only 16, he had plenty of time, but he had a nagging suspicion that that wasn't the case. He had never, ever, been even remotely interested in anyone. That wasn't entirely true, though, Remus thought as he felt his cheeks grow warm.

Suddenly a terrible thought hit Remus, what if he knew? What if Sirius knew how Remus felt about him, what if he was mocking him? Now, that was something Sirius would do.

Remus almost jumped by shock when a hand gently touched his shoulder "You're going to catch a cold, you know" a voice said, from behind. He whipped around and saw Lily standing behind him, her long red hair flowing around her shoulders and her green eyes gleaming as always. "Evans, god, you gave me a fright, I thought you were…" Remus said, but interrupted himself, before he could utter the word _Sirius _"What do you want" he asked instead as he returned to staring blankly into the air. Lily sat beside him "You bumped into me on your way out. What's wrong?"

Remus and Lily were both prefects and spend a lot of time together, but Remus didn't feel like confiding to her. "Nothing" he mumbled, pulling up some brown grass from the ground. Lily looked at him "It's all right, you can tell me" she said, gently pushing him to confide, "It's that awful Black boy, Isn't it?" Remus' head shoot up and he stared shocked at her the words almost escaping his lips: _How did you know?_ Instead he replied: "What do you mean?" "He's always hurting people, never giving a damn about how he makes them feel. He's so selfish. You know he used to date Amy Brown. Yesterday he broke up with her, she's locked herself in the bathroom, been crying ever since. She wouldn't even come out for diner, and do you think he even cares? Besides you know how he's treating poor Severus, I know he can be… annoying… at times, but that doesn't give Black the right to torment him"

If only she knew. Last year Sirius had pulled a terrible prank on Snape. He'd told him, or more accurate made sure he overheard Sirius chatting to James, that if he came to the Shrieking Shack he'd find out what the four boys were doing every month. Remus quivered at the thought of what could've happened if Sirius hadn't had second thoughts and stopped Snape.

He became aware that Lily was still talking "He's even worse than Potter" suddenly she bit her lip "I'm sorry Remus, I didn't mean to insult your best mates" "It's all right" Remus smiled reassuringly at her. "You never answered, though. Is it Black?" Lily asked looking straight at him "Nah… not the way you think… I don't know… Lily, he… he…" Remus stammered unsure whether he should tell her or not "He kissed me" Lily's eyes grew wide in surprise "he…?" "Yeah…" "Well, he's a prat, no wonder Potter likes him. Do you want to go inside for dinner?" she got to her feet and reached a hand towards him. Remus smiled and grabbed it.

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This probably wasn't the most exciting chapter ever, I just felt that Remus needed to think a bit ^^ this is actually my very first chapter fanfiction O.O please review, it's very much appreciated ^^


	3. A scent of perfume – Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – a scent of perfume

Hey there ^^ sorry for taking such a long time uploading this chapter, but I really wanted to do it a bit longer than the others (my aim is to write chapters of a decent length ^^

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They stood right in front of The Great Hall when Remus stopped. Lily turned and looked at him "What's wrong?" she asked "Ehh… the thing I told you…" he started, blushing while he looked down at his feet "You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" "Of course not, silly" she laughed "Now come on. I'm starving"

They sat down at the Gryffindor table as the rest of the marauders approached. Sirius casually strolled along the table as if he owned the place. James said something that made Sirius laugh, flashing his white teeth with the slightly sharp canines. Remus shook his head _snap out of it _he told himself. James suddenly noticed Lily and started to ruffle his hair, as if his life depended on it. His voice became deeper in the middle of a sentence, as he tried to sound older than he was. "Hey, Evans" he said, Lily rolled her eyes, threw her bag over her shoulder and got up "Catch you later, Rem" she said, running her fingers through his hair as she walked past him. Sirius stared intensely at her hand and then looked poisonous at her, as she rejected his best friend, Remus thought. James turned around staring after her, then he looked at Remus "What did I do?" he asked puzzled and sat down as Remus shrugged.

Remus was very aware of Sirius' shoulder brushing against his own, when Sirius sat down beside him. Remus could hear him breathe slightly faster than usual. _He must've run down the corridor with James_ Remus thought. Sirius smelled of warmth, light sweat, nicotine and grass, as always, but it was mixed with another smell, it wasn't very prominent, but it was there, perfume. Remus clenched his fists and tried to get control of his breath. _Calm down _Remus told himself _Honestly what's wrong with you? _

Remus became aware that Peter was talking to him "Sorry?" "Could you pass me the potatoes, please?" Peter said "Oh, yeah, sorry" Remus replied as he handed Peter the potatoes. James grinned at Remus "You're not listening to a word we're saying are you, Moony?" "Yes I am" Remus said and joined their conversation.

"I just couldn't get it right. It kept turning green even though I followed the description" Peter said, frustrated that he had to write a whole scroll about _The draught of the living death. _James and Sirius both wanted to be aurors, so all the four Marauders had chosen to continue potions. "Potions is horrible" James stated, "It's the hardest, most useless subject, ever" "I think it's rather simple, really" Sirius said, "That's because you're a Black. They're among my best students" James said in a parody of their teacher, causing Peter to laugh and burst into a giggle-fit. Remus couldn't help but smile, either. "He's terrible. I think he hates every single student, except Evans" James said sourly "And Sniverlus" Sirius added drily. "Oh yes" James responded grumpily. James' head rested in his left hand, and he almost lay on the table as he used his fork to push around the food on his plate.

"I'll be off" Sirius said and rose to his feet. James got up, too "Yeah, me too, I need to read that chapter for transfiguration" Peter said something about the scroll for potions. "Are you coming, Moony?" James asked, "No, I think I'll be off to bed" Remus said, faking a yawn. "See you later, then" James said, waving over his shoulder, as he, Sirius and Peter walked towards the door.

Remus walked quickly through the commonroom, to avoid having to stop for a chat with anyone. He needed to be alone, to think things through properly. Even though he hurried, he noticed a figure sitting huddled by the fire.

Her long golden hair fell in cascades around her slender shoulders, down her back. Remus could hear her sniffing, as if trying not to cry. Remus walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder "Are you all right?" he gently asked, she whipped around, her blue eyes wide open in surprise, and red from crying "I'm fine" she said dismissively, then she burst out crying. Remus stared shocked at her, _What am I going to do_ he thought, as he felt the panic spread. He thought about just leaving, but he couldn't bear to just let her sit there, crying her heart out. He had to do something.

"Hey" he softly said as he crouched down beside her, "What's wrong?" he asked and put a comforting arm around her shoulder. He almost expected her to push him aside, but she didn't, instead she buried her head in his neck and cried harder.

After a short while she sniffled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand, "I need a tissue," she said with a little crooked smile. "Oh" Remus said and got up, looking for one. "Do you want to go up in my dorm? The others will be back from dinner soon" he said as he handed her a tissue. He didn't want anyone to burst in and see her cry. That certainly wouldn't improve her situation. It was a wonder that nobody had returned from dinner yet, but on the other hand, it was Saturday and people might have something better to do.

She got up, and Remus thought _I know her. _Of course he knew her, he thought, resisting the urge to laugh of his own stupidity and the fact that he hadn't recognised her before. She was a gryffindor in his year. They had classes together, but usually she sat by her closest friends and he had never talked to her. "Amy Brown" she said, reaching her hand towards him "I know" he said smiling at her, "Remus Lupin" he said as he took her hand.

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That was it for now ^^ please review, it's appreciated :3


	4. Amy Brown – Chapter 4

This is next chapter ^^ (oh, really? – yes). Thank you for the reviews – I love you all ^^

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Chapter 4 – Amy Brown

_How can I help anyone? In my state. I'm not good for anyone. She wouldn't want my help if she knew. _Remus thought as Amy sat on his bed. She was stroking her fingers absentmindedly through her hair and Remus was relieved that she had finally stopped crying.

He sat next to her "Feeling better?" he concerned asked "Yeah, thanks" she said sending him another crooked smile. She was actually quite pretty, he thought, but on the other hand; the girls Sirius dated always were. Remus thought about fetching Lily as she was one of Amy's closest friends and probably would be more suited to cheer her up than he was.

Remus and Lily were both prefects and spent a good deal of time together. James always tried to talk Remus into praising James to the skies whenever he had prefect duties with Lily, but Remus never agreed. James was one of his good friends, but his obsession with Lily was his own problem. Besides Remus wanted to stay on good terms with Lily and he doubted that she'd like him very much if he constantly talked about the boy she despised.

"Do you want me to fetch Lily for you?" he asked, she looked puzzled at him "Why?" "Ehh… if you're upset… Won't you rather talk to Lily?" he asked nervously. He was awful at this kind of thing. "No…" at his quizzical look she continued, "Don't get me wrong; I like Lily very much. It's just… she's used to having that Potter-boy chasing after her and she's never got rejected. She tries to listen and empathies, but she doesn't understand" she wrung her hands nervously and looked sad down at her lap.

Remus had no idea what she was talking about _getting rejected? _Then suddenly he remembered his talk to Lily earlier that day _"He's always hurting people, never giving a damn about how he makes them feel. He's so selfish. You know he used to date Amy Brown. Yesterday he broke up with her, she's locked herself in the bathroom, been crying ever since. She wouldn't even come out for dinner, and do you think he even cares?" _That's what she'd said; Amy Brown. Sirius had never mentioned her, but on the other hand he never mentioned any of his girlfriends.

There she sat, looking miserable. Remus had never truly thought about how his friend's constantly changing girlfriends affected them. "How long have you been going out for?" Remus asked and almost hit himself as soon as the words left his lips. Amy looked hurt at him "He never…?" she whispered, clasping her hand over her mouth. Remus feared that she would start crying again, "Oh Amy" he said, putting his arm around her. He felt terrible for her, but yet there was a little sting deep inside his chest, a jab of jealousy. He angrily pushed it aside. He had to care for Amy right now, had to make up for his friend's thoughtlessness.

She sniffed a bit, but didn't start crying. "For two weeks" she sniffed. Remus stroked her hair as she snuggled into his chest. Suddenly the door burst open and Sirius stumbled in, his eyes fixing on Amy and Remus sitting in a close embrace on the bed. His eyes widened and he snapped: "Well, this is cosy" He turned on the heel and walked out before Remus could say anything. Remus wanted to run after him, grabbing him and hugging him tightly, stroking his hair, kissing him, but that wasn't a possibility. Sirius didn't like him, he'd just kissed him because he was bored and besides Remus wasn't gay, he couldn't be. Instead he hugged Amy tighter to comfort her. At the sight of Sirius she had started to cry again. "Shh... It's all right. It's all right"

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That's it ^^ I hope you like the slightly different view on Sirius, I feel that no stories tell about all the girls he dumps – the whole story's not going to be about that, but I just wanted to write this ^^ I'm sorry about the extremely short chapters, but I hope that I upload new chapters often enough to compensate for it... Reviews are appreciated ^^


	5. Where do you run to? – Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Where do you run to? 

Remus stretched his arms when he woke up, the soft morning-light hurt his eyes. He was wrapped in his warm, fuzzy blanket. He had, as always, been sleeping in fetal position, curled into a ball. Remus hadn't slept much that night, though. Amy had gone up to her own dorm around 11 pm, but Remus hadn't been able to go to sleep. He had tossed and turned, unable to forget the look on Sirius' face when he had burst in. It had been a look of shock, betrayal, hurt, anger and disbelief. Perhaps Sirus was still in love with Amy _Or he actually likes you _a little voice inside his head said. No, that wasn't a possibility. _He did break up with Amy _the voice continued, why would he do that if he fancied her? Remus shut his eyes tightly and shook his head. Sirius had just been shocked that one of his closest friends seemed to be hitting on his ex.

Remus looked at Sirius' bed, he hadn't come back last night and Remus was starting to get worried for him. Sirius never let anything get to him, he always kept that bored, distanced look that showed that he was impossible to really reach. Sometimes Sirius wore a fake, cold smile, that everyone thought was his real smile, but it wasn't. Remus knew that, because he'd seen Sirius' real smile, it was a warm, heartily, mischievous grin. That was the true him, that he kept hidden from the world. That was the Sirius Remus had fallen in lo… Remus quickly cut the thought. He wasn't in love with Sirius, just as he wasn't gay.

Remus got up. Peter and James were still asleep, but even though it was Sunday and a rare chance to get some sleep, Remus couldn't sleep. He was still worried sick about what stupid things Sirius might do, because he was upset and he couldn't stop thinking about what Sirius' face had looked like when he burst in on him and Amy, even though he kept trying to.

Remus splashed cold water in his face to get rid of the thoughts. He wiped his face and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked terrible. His face was paler than usual and the dark circles under his big amber-eyes were more prominent than usual. His lightbrown hair stood out from his head in odd angles. Remus sighed and flattened his hair.

XxXxX

Remus frustrated rested his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. He had been in the library since he woke up, but he hadn't done any of his homework, he simply couldn't concentrate. It was the first time this had ever happened to the brilliant student. Remus was the one who always paid attention in class, helped the others make their homework and, occasionally, allowed them to copy his notes. It had been hard enough to focus when he first arrived at the library, but when the other, noisy, students had started to fill in it had been impossible. Remus figured that he had to go to a place where he could be alone. He really needed to get started on the essay for transfiguration. Remus threw the parchmentrolls into his bag and left the library.

An empty classroom would be perfect, Remus thought as he went. He decided to go for the transfiguration classroom, not quite sure why, but it didn't really matter anyway as long as he could be alone, besides, the transfiguration classroom was never locked.

He made his way through the almost empty corridors of the school. Occasionally he came across a couple of students. Two giggling hufflepuff-girls, a group of slytherins walking close together and whispering and a black-haired gryffindor from about third year, Remus figured.

His thoughts were, as always, preoccupied, and perhaps that was the reason that he didn't notice the voices before he opened the door to the transfiguration classroom.

The door easily swung up and Remus instantly became aware that the classroom wasn't empty. Right in front of his feet slytherin dressrobes lay strewn over the floor, it was girl's robes Remus thought as he lifted his gaze. About five metres from him a couple stood in a close embrace. A blonde girl had her long slender legs wrapped around the waist of a boy. Her back was pressed against the wall and she was only wearing a pair of knickers. Her hands were buried in his black hair. The couple was kissing passionately and didn't seem to notice Remus. He knew he ought to leave at once, but there was something about the boy. His chest was bare and he was only wearing jeans. A pair of ripped jeans that Remus knew. Sirius.

Remus could hear the door slam behind him as he ran. His eyes shut close, it was a wonder that he didn't bump into anyone. He had to be alone. He burst into another classroom, quickly looked around to make sure it was empty and firmly shut the door.

He stood with his hand on the knot for a short moment the scene he had just witnessed playing over and over in his head. He could feel the breakfast he hadn't eat threatening to make an appearance and the door in front of him becoming blurry. Remus finally let go of the knot and hammered his back into the wooden door. He slid down the smooth wood 'till he sat on the floor, bitter tears streaming down his face.

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Sorry for the late upload, but I've been really busy . Hope you like the story so far ^^ Please review and stuff, it'll only take a couple of seconds ^^


	6. Dust – Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – Dust

Remus lay on the ground, resting his head on the hard, cold stonefloor. He knew he ought to get up, he'd become ill if he stayed like this, but he didn't want to do anything, he needed to lie down for a while, he needed to give in to the miserable feeling to gain the strength to face the others.

Remus stared at the dust hovering in front of his face in a ray of sunshine before it settled on the floor. He watched as the ray slowly disappeared as the night settled.

Why did seeing Sirius with that girl affect him like that? He had seen Sirius with tons of girls before; it wasn't like it was the first time he'd burst in on Sirius… kissing… a girl. _It's because, deep down, you can't let go of that kiss, you were sure that it had to mean _something_ that he kissed you, even though you did your best to displace it. _The voice softly said. Remus snorted. Of course he knew that that kiss didn't matter, he wasn't a fool. Besides, he wasn't gay, he couldn't be.

"Remus?" there was a soft knock on the door, that Remus decided not to react on. "Remus, God damn it, I know you're in there," James yelled, banging violently on the door "Potter," Lilly hissed "That's not going to help, get away from that door, I'll take it from here" there was a sound of muffled voices, then a resignedly sigh "Come on, Wormtail, let's go" James said, then he shouted "You better not be dying in there, Moony!" there was a short pause, as James hesitated, soon followed by the sound of steps.

"Remus, please open the door" Lily softly said, Remus moaned as he got on his feet, he had to face her sooner or later anyway. Remus opened the door a couple of inches and Lily slipped in. Before he knew what was happening, he disappeared in a cloud of red hair as Lily flung her arms around him. "I've been worried for you" she muttered. Remus quickly pulled back, he suddenly felt guilty, that bright, kind Lily had worried for him, she wouldn't worry if she knew what he was, Remus bitterly thought.

"How did you find me?" Remus asked, "I went looking for James" Lily brightly said, then she added, as a reply to Remus' still quizzical look "He said that you usually go to the DADA classroom when you're distressed" Remus hadn't been aware of the fact that he was so easy to find. He'd had a feeling that he had three "secret" hiding places he went to when he was down, but he'd thought that no one else had noticed. When he was sad or confused he went to the lake, when he was very down and out of it he went to the DADA classroom, and when he was, deep-down-pitch-black-screaming-depressed and desperate he went to the shrieking shack.

"Nobody has seen you the entire day, are you all right?" Lily asked, pulling him out of his thoughts "What? Oh, I'm fine" He said, hoping that she wouldn't notice his probably red, puffy, eyes. "Have you seen Sirius today?" Remus said in a voice that he hoped sounded nonchalant, like: I'm just wondering where one of my _friends _is; I haven't seen him all day, and besides we're partners in transfiguration you know, something like that. It didn't go very well "What has he done now?" Lily instantly asked "Ehhh… Nothing… Ijustranintohimkindofhavings exwiththisgirl" Remus stammered, suddenly he couldn't keep it inside anymore and he knew that he rather talk about it with Lily than James or Peter "Sorry?" Lily asked, Remus took a deep breath and repeated: "I ran into him kind of having sex with this girl, and… yeah…" Remus shrugged, suddenly he felt extremely vulnerable.

Lily's eyes widened "I knew it!" she almost screamed "What, that Sirius has sex with random girls? Who didn't…" "No, silly, that you're in love with him" Lily said with a smug smile "I'm not… I wouldn't… Why…" Remus stammered "Seriously, Remus? You always get this distanced look in your eyes when you talk about him. It's quite obvious really" Lily declared "But I'm not," Remus said in an almost offended voice, he hadn't thought he was that easy to look through "Besides, I can't be gay, my parents would be even more disappointed with me" "I don't think they're disappointed in you because you're a werewolf" Lily softly said.

Remus stared at her for a couple of moments before saying in a barely audible voice: "How did you know?" If Lily knew, who else did? His mind was racing. Could it be James who'd leaked? Of course not, what was he thinking? James was one of the most loyal persons he knew. James would never tell. "You disappear every month around full moon, Rem. I'm not stupid you know. Besides your pals call you 'Moony' Not the most discrete nickname ever" Lily said, staring at Remus as if to say 'Duh' "You know," Remus slowly said "You know, and you're not… repelled?" Lily glared at him as if he's grown an extra head "Why would I be repelled? I know you. You're not a different person, just because you've got a little… problem" She hugged him tightly and whispered in his ear: "He likes you, very much" Then she let go and walked to the door. Right before she closed the door behind her she said: "You should talk to Amy, she also needs someone to talk to" The door shut and an extremely confused Remus was left alone in the classroom.

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That's it for now ^^ I've named it Dust because it's legit (and I didn't have a clue what to name it...)

Hope you enjoyed it ^^ I actually had a great time writing it :3 (as soon as I escaped a minor writers block-attack)

Please review, that's what keeps me writing ^^


	7. Wandering the corridors – Chapter 7

Hi again ^^ Thank you to all the marvelous people who have reviewed, it means so much to me :3

I have (on a request ^^) made more air in my text to make it easier to read, hope it helps ^^

Oooh and I always tend to forget this:

Disclaimer: Not mine (I know you all think that I'm J.K. Rowling, but I have to disappoint you)

And I'm so sorry for any spelling etc. mistakes. English is not my first language, but I try my best. If you notice a mistake I make often, please inform me so I can improve my writing ^^

That was it.

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Chapter 7 – Wandering the corridors after curfew

Remus gaped at the closed door Lily had left the room through.

He'd always known that Lily was exceedingly bright, but he hadn't expected her to know that much about him.

She knew that he was a werewolf, which wasn't good at all, because that meant that someone else might have figured it out as well. On the other hand Lily was pretty close with the marauders, no one else was as near the exclusive group as Lily Evans.

Even though she always seemed to distance herself from the marauders she had a lot of contact with Remus due to their prefect-status and she interacted a lot with James. The main part of their contact was James trying to make her go out with him and Lily rejecting him, but it seemed more like a little game they had going.

In the beginning Lily had really loathed James, but as time went by Remus could see that she grew very fond of James.

Remus knew that Lily would never tell anyone about him being a werewolf and she didn't judge him for being what he was either, so it was all right after all, Remus figured.

Remus had always thought that anyone who knew what he really was, a monster, would shun him, but so far no one had. Not his parents, not the marauders and not Lily. Was it possible that he could be what he was without anyone hating him?

It was far worse that Lily knew that he… liked… Sirius very much. Remus wasn't gay, he kept telling himself, but he couldn't deny the fact that he kind of fancied Sirius. And Remus had never been in love with a girl.

_That kind of makes you gay, don't you think?_ a voice in his head giggled.

Yes, it did, Remus had to confess, but he couldn't afford to be more abnormal than he already was. His parents would be disappointed, he just knew. Even though they always pretended, that the whole werewolf aspect didn't bother them, Remus knew it did. They was disappointed, because it meant that their son wouldn't become everything they'd dreamt he would be.

If he suddenly also told them he was gay, it would be more than they could bear.

Remus sighed and decided to leave for the dorm. He opened the heave wooden door and went out.

As the door closed behind him, Remus noticed that the halls were empty. It must be after curfew, Remus thought horrified. He was a prefect, he couldn't be caught wandering the corridors late at night.

Remus started moving slowly down the corridors, careful not to bump into any teachers.

It was dark and even though Remus knew the castle well, he didn't know every little corner as James and Sirius did. Remus knew far more about the castle than any of his classmates would suspect, after all he was just nice, tired-looking, nerdy Lupin, yes he ran after the Marauders, but he wasn't really a part of the group, he wasn't cool.

But they didn't really know Remus, he was almost as mischievous as James and Sirius. While Remus often tried to talk them out of their craziest ideas, it was also him that made sure they didn't get caught.

Remus wished that he'd had James cloak or the map as he almost ran directly into professor Mcgonagall.

The map would certainly have made this a lot easier. He hadn't memorised it like Sirius or James had and therefore there was parts of the castle that he didn't know that well. This was, unfortunately one of these parts.

Remus almost screamed of surprise as a hand swiftly pulled him into a notch in the wall. A smell of warmth, light sweat, nicotine and grass embraced him as his head got buried in someone's shoulder.

"Let go of me " Remus spluttered into the shoulder, that muffled it into: "Me mo o e"

A hand covered his mouth and Remus saw Sirius' handsome face carefully watching professor Sprout as she passed them. When she was well out of sight, he turned his attention to Remus and removed his hand.

Remus breath hitched as Sirius' grey gaze, almost concerned, eyed Remus' features. Remus was very aware of how close they stood. Sirius still had one arm wrapped protectively around Remus.

Remus wished he could just freeze that moment and stay there, but then a memory lightly tapped, asking for permission to enter, Remus was too preoccupied with Sirius' eyes to bother with stopping it and then the memory hit him. Dressrobes on the floor, blonde hair, long slender legs.

Remus pushed Sirius' arm aside and snapped: "What are you doing here?" Sirius got that brief look of hurt, hurt way out of proportions of Remus' action, then Sirius' cold look appeared.

"I couldn't sleep, so I went for a walk" Sirius said in an almost bored tone.

"You scared the shit out of me," Remus hissed

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know you were the only one permitted to go for a walk, _prefect_" Sirius almost spat the last word out "I just saved your sorry little teacher's-pet ass. Wouldn't look too good if perfect little Lupin got caught, would it now? And without his fancy "friends" to blame"

This hurt Remus more than he would ever admit. It dug into his soul, into the place where he kept his deepest fears. It crept past the fullmoon and Fenrir Greyback, past the fear of being expelled from the school and hit him right where it hurt the most. His weakest spot.

Remus didn't even answer he just ran. He wouldn't allow Sirius to see how much he'd hurt him, wouldn't give him that pleasure.

Remus reached the dorm and quickly climbed into his bed. Giving in to the tears and allowed himself to cry silently.

Later he heard the door creaking and the sound of Sirius' footsteps on the wooden floor. The footsteps stopped right at Remus' bed and he could almost hear Sirius taking a deep breath. Remus shut his eyes tightly and held his breath. Sirius slowly lowered his hand. Remus could feel the warmth on his skin as Sirius' hand hovered one inch above his bare shoulder. Sirius hesitated for a moment, then clenched his hand and walked to his own bed.

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Oh, I'm such a sucker for clichés... Sorry, I can't help it after all I am just a teenagegirl ^^

Hope you enjoyed it. Please review it means a lot to me ^^


	8. Concerned? – Chapter 8

I hope this upload was soon enough ^^

Thank you so much for reviewing I love you *-*

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Chapter 8 – Concerned?

Remus knew from the instant he woke up, that he was late. Why hadn't anyone waked him up? he wondered as he jumped around like a maniac, trying to put his socks on and looking for his dressrobes at the same time.

Remus tried to catch his breath before entering the great hall. His eyes instantly locked on his friends. Peter was eating his toast as if his life depended on it, while he made small nods at James' remarks. James was chatting merrily not noticing that Sirius wasn't listening, but sat, absentmindedly, playing with some bacon on his plate.

Suddenly Sirius looked up and noticed Remus. Sirius' grey eyes locked on Remus' amber-eyes. For less than a second, barely noticeable, Sirius' features softened, his left hand stopped brushing a strand of black hair from his face. His right hand stopped in a motion and he dropped the fork. Then the fork loudly clattered at his plate and the moment ended.

James looked up and saw Remus. He got to his feet, and ran to Remus. When he reached him he pulled him in to a tight hug.

"I thought you were going to die or something," he said. Remus didn't question this weird remark, why would he be dying? He'd just locked himself in a classroom. That was just that kind of thing James usually said.

James became aware of how unmanly it was, embracing his friend like that and pulled back, casually stroking his hair to make up for the scene he'd just made. The entire hall was staring at them.

Lily joined them "Remus" she exclaimed and embraced him. When she let go of Remus he saw James mouthing "Thank you" to her. Lily's flushed slightly and smiled back at him.

Peter shook Remus' hand. And Amy joined them, hugging Remus.

Remus was in a state of shock, they all acted like he'd returned from the dead or something. Sirius had joined them, standing with his hands in his pockets.

Remus coughed and awkwardly said: "We'll be late if we don't hurry up"

"Ooh, you're right" Lily exclaimed.

They all grabbed their bags and headed for transfiguration.

On the way Remus and Lily walked slowly, making sure they walked a bit behind the others.

"Why are they all acting so strange?" Remus whispered, "It's like I've been terribly ill or something"

Lily shot him a quizzical look "They've been extremely worried for you, don't you know?" When Remus lightly shook his head, she continued: "They're always trying to protect you, you know. James got very concerned when I asked him if he knew where you were. He said he'd expected you to be with Amy and me. Sirius got this weird look and suggested, that you might be in the DADA classroom, but he didn't want to come, said something about homework. Homework? We're talking about Sirius here. James told me, that when he returned without you, Sirius started pacing up and down the floor, James said that he couldn't even be in the same room as Sirius" Lily noticed Remus' confused expression and explained, "James and Peter fled the dorm to get away from Sirius, and joined me and Amy in the commonroom instead. Anyway, suddenly Sirius sprinted from the dorm and out of the portrayhole. It was after curfew, but he didn't listen when James shouted after him to bring the cloak"

Remus couldn't believe the changes in Lily's attitude towards James, just the day before yesterday she'd told Remus about how awful James was, and now she seemed to be getting along with him quite well.

Was it true that Sirius had been concerned for him? No, it couldn't be, Sirius didn't even think of him as a friend, he'd made that quite clear yesterday. But then, why had Sirius gone looking for him? Stop being stupid, Remus firmly told himself, he wasn't looking for you. He was probably looking for that slytherin-girl from yesterday and accidentally bumped into you on his way. Sirius' smell, an arm around him. No, no and no Remus told himself as he felt his cheeks grow hot. No!

"Oi, are you two coming?" James shouted. He stood in the door leading to the transfiguration-classsroom. Remus and Lily hurried up.

As Remus placed himself between Amy and Peter he suddenly realised something. He and Sirius were transfiguration-partners. He felt the cold horror clutch him. He couldn't handle Sirius right now, he just couldn't. The panic was running through his body, making his limbs numb. He became aware of a hand on his arm.

Amy was eying him with a concerned look "Rem, are you all right?"

"I'm fine" Remus said, smiling calmingly. She squeezed his arm lightly and turned her attention to Mcgonagall who'd just entered the room. Amy's hand'd had a soothing effect on Remus and the feeling slowly returned to his body.

They were to practice a non-verbal bird-conjuring charm in pairs.

Remus had always been fairly good at transfiguration, but he just couldn't concentrate today. Sirius got a concentrated look that made all the hard, cold features disappear. Remus quickly closed his eyes, it would be embarrassing if anyone caught him staring at Sirius, and tried to concentrate again.

Sirius yelled as a tiny canary sat in his hair. The bird had shot out from Remus' wand. "Very good, Mr. Lupin" Mcgonagall said "And Miss Evans too I see. 20 points to gryffindor. Now help your partners"

Remus spent the rest of the class helping Sirius, but without results. Sirius hadn't succeeded in conjuring as much as a yellow feather. It was odd Remus thought, Sirius was usually quite bright, but he continually made the wrong movements, forcing Remus to correct him.

"Oh for Merlin's sake Padfoot, left to right, not right to left" Sirius opened his eyes and smiled brightly at Remus. As the class had went by the awkward atmosphere had disappeared, and Remus hadn't even considered his use of his friend's nickname. Then he remembered Sirius' use of "friend" and was relieved when the lesson ended.


	9. A stroll in the castle – Chapter 9

Oooh a second upload today o.o it isn't that long though, but I hope you'll forgive me ^^

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Chapter 9 – A stroll in the castle

Their next lesson came and went and suddenly it was time for lunch.

Remus was starving. He hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday, but he didn't feel like eating with the others.

They sat down with the gryffindor-table, but after a couple of minutes, which Remus had taken full advantage of and stuffed himself, as if it was his last meal, Remus left the others.

"I have to do some homework" he said, grabbed his bag and before anyone could protest he was out of the hall. The chilled corridor calmed him and he took a deep intake of air. Next lesson was potions with professor Slughorn. Remus had never been particularly fond of potions. Rushed steps sounded behind him.

"Hey, Rem. Wait up" Amy called as her mary janes clacked against the stonefloor.

She was slightly out of breath "Why do you… walk that… fast?" she said, trying to catch her breath.

Remus gave a little laugh and reduced his speed.

"Where are we going?" She brightly asked, flinging her golden hair back.

"Ehh…" Remus hesitated, he hadn't thought about that, "I don't know" he confessed.

She grinned at him "All right, are we just wandering the corridors, then?"

"I guess so," Remus said.

She seemed a lot happier now. Remus was delighted. He hated seeing people down.

"Who are you going with this Saturday?" She suddenly asked.

"This Saturday?" Remus asked with a quizzical look.

Amy raised her eyebrows "Hogsmeade" she said, in a duh!-tone.

"Oh" Remus said, "I almost forgot, of course"

"So you are going with someone" she said, with an almost disappointed look.

"No, that's not what I meant. I suppose I'm going with my friends, I always do. Why?" Remus felt like hitting himself, hard, for the last part. Why? my good sir, are you stupid? He furiously asked himself.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go with me" she said playing absentmindedly with her hair.

Shit, shit and twenty times shit. He couldn't go with her without giving her the wrong idea and he hated rejecting people.

"We can go together, all of us" Remus suggested.

Amy continued playing with her hair. Then she shot him an almost desperate look and whispered: "I don't want to go with Sirius"

Remus wanted to hug her tightly "I see. Then it's just us I gue…" Remus never finished the sentence. In that second he noticed Sirius standing close against the wall snogging a girl. It wasn't the girl from the day before though. This one wore hufflepuff dressrobes and had long brown hair in a nuance that almost resembled Remus' hair.

"Oh for the love of…" Amy began.

The couple quickly looked up, the girl's cheeks burning brightly red.

Remus and Amy hurried down the corridor "I've bumped into him snogging a dozen different girls the last couple of days. It's insufferable" Amy whispered.

Remus didn't have clue whether or not that was a good thing. On the bright side, it meant that the slytherin-girl and Sirius wasn't dating or anything. On the other hand though, Remus actually wasn't quite sure what it meant, that their kiss hadn't been anything unusual anyway? That Sirius was a little slut. The last thing wasn't news, Remus thought with a snort.

Remus noticed that the sight hadn't affected him nearly as much as seeing Sirius with the slytherin-girl. It still hit him with a numb cold feeling, but not the burning, sickening sensation from yesterday. Perhaps it was because he'd gotten used to the thought, that Sirius was kissing whoever he wanted to.

It didn't seem to affect Amy much, Remus happily thought. That possibly meant that she was getting over Remus' reckless friend.

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That was the chapter for this time ^^

Please review, I'll love you and bring cake ^^


	10. Friends – Chapter 10

I'm on holiday so I get to update more often :3

Thank you for reviewing :D

I love you ^^

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Chapter 10 – Friends

James, Peter and Lily were waiting for them at the potions-classroom. Peter had a worried look on his face, that suggested that the scroll about The draught of the living death that he was supposed to hand in today wasn't finished yet.

James and Lily were standing close together, giggling. Even though James would never had approved the use of the word "giggle" in the same sentence as "James"

"I don't giggle, Moony" he'd explained to Remus in a matter of factly voice last year "I'm far to manly and mature for that" the serious moment had been ruined, when Sirius made a loud snorting-noise and James threw his copy of A history of magic at him, with a loud "Oi". That was however, before everything got complicated, Remus thought with an inwards sigh.

James and Lily looked up as Amy and Remus approached "Where've you two been?" James curiously asked.

It was Amy who answered "Just taking a stroll in the castle, you know" James and Peter shot each other "suuuuure"-looks. Amy didn't notice, but Remus did, he felt the tips of his ears grow hot. Did they seriously think that he was dating Amy?

"Guess who we met" Amy suddenly said.

It was Lily who answered "Black?" she said in a voice, that showed her apparently cold feelings towards the boy.

"Yup, with one of his girls" Amy said, batting her eyes in a parody of a seductive look, at the word girls.

"Seriously, what's wrong with that boy?" Lily said resignedly.

"He has the right to be with whomever he likes," Peter said in an attempt to defend his friend.

"It's rather a question of how many he likes," Lily snorted.

In that second Sirius appeared. He was walking in his usual, casual manner, but before leaning against the wall and joining the others, he shot Amy a dirty look. She glared coldly back at him.

The door to the classroom opened and professor Slughorn greeted them with "Come in, come in, you don't have to stand out there" Lily and Sirius had always been his favourites, or at least his favourites from the gryffindor students. Slughorn was head of the slytherin-house and he'd been teaching the Black-family. Remus supposed that was why Slughorn liked Sirius or maybe it was the fact that Sirius was a talented student, he had a talent for potions even though he didn't like to admit it.

Sirius always tried to distance himself from the rest of the Black-family. He was sorted into gryffindor not slytherin, which suited him very well. He often dated muggle-borns. He smoked muggle-cigarettes and he seldom wore traditional clothing.

Most of the teachers didn't like Sirius, at all, just as Sirius didn't like them. He despised authorities

and he was sure to let them know.

The group entered the classroom. It was, as always a bit chilly and clammy in the dungeon, but the students had gotten used to it. Remus hated it, he felt trapped and he was sure, that the dim lighting made his greyish skin seem even greyer and made the bags under his eyes more prominent.

Remus quickly whispered to Amy, before he forgot it "We're going to Hogsmeade together, right?" he didn't wait for her to answer, but continued "We're not going on a… you know… a date… are we?" Remus shot her a worried look. He really hated rejecting people in any sense.

Amy tilted her head a bit "No, we're going as friends, right?" Friends? Remus hadn't thought of her as a friend before.

He smiled brightly at her and said "Yes, friends"

"Want to be partners in potions today?" Amy asked as they made their way through the room.

"Sure, let's be partners" Remus replied, smiling. They were usually to have partners in potions and today, they had to help each other brew elixir to induce euphoria.

Lily and James paired up which left Sirius with Peter. If looks could kill, Amy would've been on her deathbed by now. Sirius hated being with Peter in potions, because Peter wasn't nearly as good as him, but on the other hand only Lily really was, Remus though.

The rest of the class started to fill in, and with them they brought a loud chatting and noise in general. Remus started to feel that he hadn't had enough sleep the following days. His head was beginning to pound and he felt slightly dizzy. The noise was not improving his state.

By the time his and Amy's potion started turning blue, Remus felt terrible. He was stirring the potion. Round and round and round. It slowly turned from turquoise to blue. His head was spinning and everything went blurry around the edges.

Remus was lying on the cold stonefloor. His head was aching. Hands lifted him up and a rough voice said "I'll take him to the hospital wing" Remus was lifted as if he weighed no more than a feather, by warm hands. Remus snuggled into the person carrying him. It felt somehow safe.

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This is my first cliffhanger o.o *evil cackle*

Clichés? I have no idea what you're talking about...

I'll try to upload the next chapter soon ^^

'till then ^-^


	11. The hospital wing – Chapter 11

Chapter 11 – The hospital wing

Warm.

Safe.

Clinging.

Having to let go.

Angry voices.

Cold.

Clean.

Silence.

When Remus opened his eyes, he was lying in the hospital wing. His head and left shoulder were aching. He must've hit his shoulder when he fell, Remus thought disoriented.

The hospital wing was clean, cold and white as usual. It was completely empty, which wasn't usual.

The morning-sun lit up the room, but brought no warmth. It was like lying in the snow on a cold winter-day.

Remus hated the hospital wing. He associated it with the day after a transformation. It meant that someone had to take care of him and that he couldn't hide and curl into a ball.

Madam Pomfrey entered the room. She wore her usual white dressrobes and strict stare, that would sense every form of non-relaxing. Madam Pomfrey had been the one escorting Remus to the shrieking shack when he was in his first and partly second year.

"You're awake," Madam Pomfrey stated, starting to fuss over Remus. Tucking his blanket in. Pressing a cool hand to his forehead. Looking inspectingly at him. When she was finally satisfied she said: "You'll be up and around before tonight"

"What happened?" Remus croaked.

"You seem to have exhausted yourself. You were brought in by your friend. Quite a temper he has. He refused to leave. Started yelling when I tried to force him. Look, he left this for you, said it would help or something, as if he knew anything about that…" Madam Pomfrey said with a resignedly shake of her head, and handed Remus a chocolate bar.

"Who? Where is he now?" Remus asked confused.

"He left half an hour ago, when you started moving around" she answered, neglecting the first question, "Now rest" The last part was said in a strict voice.

Remus obediently lay down and closed his eyes. When she seemed to be satisfied she left him alone.

The second she left the room Remus flung his eyes open and begun inspecting the bar of chocolate. It was plain, dark chocolate, a muggle-brand. It had to be Sirius who'd brought him in. This was Sirius' kind of chocolate. Remus unwrapped it and broke it into pieces. Why would Sirius leave before Remus woke up? Remus head still hurt, his thoughts wasn't linked, his mind was a mess. Remus decided to stop thinking and ate his chocolate instead.

The chocolate immediately made Remus feel better and he went back to sleep.

When Remus woke up for the second time, the hospital wing was rather dark, the only light came from a small bedside lamp. He felt better. He was still tired, but at least his head had stopped aching.

Remus wanted to go back to the dorm, he didn't think he could bare staying here much longer. He kept perfectly still while Madam Pomfrey tended to another patient, who'd come during the day. When she was done, Remus gave a light cough and asked in a small voice: "Madam Pomfrey? Can I leave now?"

She looked at him as if judging whether or not he'd die if she allowed him to go. Finally she nodded "Yes, but take care, okay? Remember to sleep and eat. And by any means, _don't _exhaust yourself or I'm going to lock you in here for at least another month, understood?" Remus nodded eagerly. "Off you go then"

Remus immediately got to his feet. His clothes were in a bit of a mess, but he quickly rearranged them. Suddenly he hesitated "Madam? What day is it?"

"It's Tuesday. The time's 8:30 PM" She answered

"Thank you" Remus said and went for the door.

Remus took a deep inhale of air, the second he got out of the hospital wing. The air was… softer out here; he'd left the clean, hospital-like smell behind him together with the cold, hard air, when he'd closed the door.

Remus couldn't claim to be surprised that he'd fainted yesterday. He had barely slept for days, he hadn't eaten and he'd cried and run a lot. Things like that had always affected Remus more than it affected others. He was what others might call fragile, even though he didn't like to admit it.

The instant Remus entered the commonroom five heads shot up.

"Remus!" James cheered, "Back from the dead, I see"

All of them gathered around him. It was unbelievable, every time even the smallest thing happened to him, everyone made a fuss, Remus embarrassed thought.

"You gave me a fright" Amy said accusingly "There was a loud bang and suddenly you just lay on the floor"

"I think he frightened all of us" Sirius said, almost amused, but with a hint of something else "You're a heavy little bastard" Sirius continued, confirming Remus' suspicion, that it was indeed Sirius who'd carried him.

"Sorry" Remus said in a small voice.

He watched as the five persons around him raised their eyebrows in unison.

"You're sorry?" Lily said in a voice that clanged of astonishment. "You faint and have to spend a day in the hospital wing and you're _sorry_? Oh Remus" She shook her head and hugged Remus tightly.

"I think I'll go to bed. I'm a bit tired" Remus said and made his way through his friends.

Remus was confused. Why was it weird, that he was sorry? He'd scared them and made Sirius carry him all the way to the hospital wing. Remus' cheeks grew hot at the thought. It was extremely embarrassing.

Remus took of his clothes and climbed into his bed. He was fast asleep from the moment his head touched the pillow. Madam Pomfrey would've approved.

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I'm actually not satisfied with this chapter. The idea was to write it kind of fragmented to resemble Remus' mind, but I don't think it went very well... I'm sorry about that. I hope that one day you'll find it in you hearts to forgive me *starts crying*

Anyway, a huge thank you for reviewing to the persons who reviewed my last chapters, it means a lot to me ^^

I'll try to write and upload the next chapter soon. I think it'll be about the trip to Hogsmeade, because I want to write it o.o

See you ^^


	12. Waking Remus up – Chapter 12

Chapter 12 – Waking Remus up

Remus was in the state between sleeping and wakening when he heard voices.

"Don't you think we should wake him up?" it was James' voice

"I think he needs the sleep" Sirius said "On the other hand, the little striver might kill us if we're responsible for him missing another day of school" he added.

Remus considered moving as he heard Sirius approaching, but he didn't really want to. His bed was too soft and warm.

"Reeeemus" Sirius softly said. Remus could hear James and Peter in the background, laughing at his mother-like tone.

Sirius ignored them "Reeeemus" he tried again. Causing Remus to snuggle into his blanket and James and Peter to burst into another giggle-fit.

"Remus" Sirius said a bit more urging. Remus didn't move.

"Oh for Christ's sake" Sirius said angrily. He shouted: "Remus!" and tore off his blanket. This made Remus move, as he realised that he hadn't put anything on after removing his clothes the night before.

Remus quickly grabbed the blanket with a loud "Give it back" and it developed into a tug of war. Ending with Remus falling triumphantly onto the floor with his blanket. "Ha" he said with a smug expression, before absenting to the bathroom.

Remus was pretty sure that Sirius had allowed him to win their little fight, considering that Sirius was way stronger and a bit bigger than Remus.

Remus felt about twenty times better than the day before. He also looked better he thought, as he looked in the mirror. His hair was a mess, but his skin had more colour and his eyes were brighter than usual.

"Come out you little prat, I'm not planning on missing breakfast because of you" Sirius shouted, hammering on the door. If Remus hadn't known Sirius as well as he did, he would've thought that Sirius was furious and feared that he would knock the door in. This was why people tended to avoid Sirius, Remus thought with a sigh, as he pulled on his dressrobes. Sirius had a hard time controlling his emotions and he always exaggerated it.

"Calm down, Pad, I'm done" Remus said as he opened the door, almost walking in to Sirius "Happy?"

"Yes" Sirius grumpily said.

"Oh, cheer up, will ya?" James said, patting Sirius on the back as they went.

The marauders walked down the stairs, chatting merrily. Suddenly James said: "Where are we going first on Saturday? Zonko's? Honeydukes?" Remus made an ehmm… noise, that made James stop and look at him "What?" James asked.

Remus uncomfortably pressed his foot down the white marble "I'm not coming with you" he said.

"Why? Aren't you feeling well?" James worriedly said.

"No, no, I'm fine" Remus assured them "I'm just going with Amy"

"That's cool, then we'll just go together, all of us," James merrily said, starting to walk again.

"No" Remus said, receiving a quizzical look from James "I'll go with Amy, just Amy" Remus continued. As the look on James face changed to a sly one, Remus regretted telling them, on the other hand he couldn't really have avoided it.

"Oh…" James said, "I didn't knew that Amy and you were…" he said, the grin on his face growing wider.

"We're not" Remus exclaimed, cursing his burning red cheeks.

"Of course you're not" James said with a smug look and started to hum a muggle wedding song.

"Is there any way you can get more immature?" Remus said in an annoyed tone. James was impossible.

"Nope" James said, still grinning, Peter joined in on the humming.

Sirius had a look of murder on his face.

It had most definitely not been wise to tell them about going to Hogsmeade with Amy, but if that was what they wanted to think, let them, Remus thought.

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I know I said this would be about the trip to Hogsmeade, but the fluff got me. Oh the fluff :3

Please review it's what keeps me writing ^^


	13. Madam Puddifoot's – Chapter 13

Chapter 13 – Madam Puddifoot's

Remus ate his bacon, careful not to look at Sirius.

Sirius had been in a terrible mood since Wednesday, and Remus had no intention of reawakening his wrath. Sirius was buttering a piece of toast with an irritated expression. He looked at the bread as if it'd insulted him in a most hurting manner.

James cleared his throat "Sirius, you're mashing your toast" Sirius looked angrily at James, then he looked down on his crushed toast and sighed, before he took another piece.

Remus could feel a hand from behind ruffle his hair. He looked up and saw Amy "'Morning" she said merrily and sat beside him.

Sirius got to his feet, if he'd been sitting on a chair instead of a bench, the chair would probably have tipped. He announced that he was full and walked out of the hall.

"Hey! Padfoot, wait up!" James shouted. He got to his feet and grabbed a second piece of toast in one motion. "See you in Hogsmeade" He merrily said, shot Remus one of his especially smug looks and ran after Sirius. Peter followed.

At least James and Peter had stopped the humming around Thursday. Now they'd exchanged it with knowing, smug, looks once in a while, Remus thought with an inwards sigh.

"What's with him?" Amy asked, turning her eyes. She'd become almost used to Sirius by now. There were hardly any traces left of the broken down Amy Remus had comforted a week ago.

"Oh, he's just impatient. That's Sirius, you know. He can't sit still for more than a couple of minutes" Remus said with a little laugh "What do you want to do first when we get to Hogsmeade?"

"I don't know" Amy replied, as she begun to butter her toast "Maybe we could visit Madam Puddifoot's" she suggested.

Remus nearly spat out the gulp of tea he'd just taken. Madam Puddifoot's was the most horrible shop in all of Hogsmeade. It was all tacky and frilly and fluffy, Remus thought with a shudder, or at least that was what the legend told. Remus had never been to Madam Puddifoot's, it was a place for couples and Remus had never had a girlfriend.

Suddenly he couldn't help but imagining him and his friends going there. An image of Sirius dressed in a pink, frilly dress asking him to "pass the sugar, please" in a snobbish voice burn itself on his retina.

Remus turned back to reality "Madam Puddifoot's?" he asked in a sceptic voice.

"Yeah…" Amy said, staring at her hands "Only if you want to, of course" she added, staring worriedly at Remus.

That was one of the things Remus was really terrible at. Saying no. He just couldn't. He didn't know why, maybe it was because he was so thrilled when someone liked him, that he didn't want to disappoint them.

Before Remus had really considered that it would only add fuel to James' and Peter's immature "Remus has a girlfriend" fire, he'd said: "No, it's fine. Let's go to Madam Puddifoot's" and smiled reassuringly at Amy.

It was the first time Remus visited Hogsmeade without his friends. Remus quickly corrected himself. It was the first time he'd visited Hogsmeade, without James, Sirius or Peter. Amy was his friend.

Amy was wearing a broad scarf in maroon and golden stripes and a light brown trenchcoat. If Remus had been even the slightest interested in her other than friendwise, he would've noticed that she looked amazing. A rather large part of the guys they walked past turned and stared at her and Remus got a lot of undeserved envious looks, which he did notice. Remus shuddered lightly, not quite sure whether it was from the cold looks or the weather.

It was still autumn, but the leaves from the trees lay all scattered on the ground and a cool wind blew. It was clear that December was approaching fast.

Remus regretted agreeing on this from the moment they entered Madam Puddifoot's. It was worse, far worse, than he could've imagined.

A light tinkle announced their arrival. There were bows and laces _everywhere. _It was so pink and fluffy that Remus thought he was going to die. Amy however seemed to feel quite at home as she sat down on a wooden stool with carved cherubs and hearts on. Remus sat down on the opposite site of the small table. The tablecloth was just as ghastly; it had a terrible pink colour Remus didn't even know the name of. It was embroidered and had tassels at the end.

Amy ordered a cup of something Remus couldn't pronounce, but was pretty sure was some kind of tea. Remus ordered a cup of black coffee. Usually he would've preferred hot chocolate, but he feared, that he was going to be sick if he made contact with anything sweet at the moment.

When they got their drinks in flowerporcelain-cups Remus almost wanted to cry.

"It's cosy, right?" Amy said in a happy voice that made Remus gulp his coffee instead of spitting it out in disbelief.

"Yeah… it's… nice" Remus said, trying his best to sound as if he'd never been to a greater place.

"It's mostly for couples, but I thought you wouldn't mind" Amy said smiling.

Remus looked around at the other tables. They were indeed all occupied by couples, holding hands, staring at each other or kissing.

"No, I don't mind. It's actually my first visit here," Remus confessed.

"It is?" Amy asked, this time she was the one about to spit out her tea.

"Yeah" Remus said.

"Then you must have a cake" Amy exclaimed.

"What? No, Amy, I'm fine" Remus said, he didn't think he could bear seeing one of the cakes in here. He couldn't even imagine what they'd look like, the thought alone sent shivers down his spine.

Amy looked at him as if he'd just declined adopting a puppy they've found, left alone in the wood.

"Allright, one cake" Remus said resignedly.

"Yai" Amy cheered and went to find the waitress.

It was actually quite nice to be alone with Amy without Sirius interrupting with evil glares. Remus thought. The past few days even the slightest contact he'd made was covered by Sirius, staring at them and James and Peter's immature giggles.

Amy returned with something Remus wasn't sure was a cake at all.

The so-called cake was pink and so buried in berries, marzipan, whipped cream and ribbons that it was impossible to decide what it really was. Remus gaped at it in horror.

"There you go" Amy said and placed the cake in front of him.

"How am I going to eat that?" Remus terrified asked.

"I'll help you then" Amy said merrily. She seemed to be having the time of her life.

She cut a tiny piece with her fork and reached it towards Remus' mouth. Suddenly Remus realised what she intended to do. "No, Amy" He said embarrassed, looking around the other people in the shop.

She looked at him with that special look once more. It was official; Remus was a pushover, he thought as he obediently opened his mouth, wishing that no one he knew would pass the shopwindow in that second.

His wish wasn't granted. In that second Sirius passed the shop. He was with a girl, who looked adoringly at him in a manner that annoyed Remus. The couple had almost passed the shop when Remus noticed them and in the same second the girl noticed Remus and Amy. She pulled the sleeve of Sirius' coat and made a move with her head towards Remus as she giggled.

Sirius however, did not seem to find it even remotely funny. He turned a funny shade of greyish green and Remus began to fear for the shop-window's life. Sirius had never been that obsessed with his ex-girlfriends before, Remus thought. Instead of tearing the shop to pieces, Sirius walked away with rapid steps. A second or so went by before the girl noticed that she'd been left behind. She quickly went after him with an angry shout.

In that moment the door to the shop opened and Remus was able to make out their "conversation"

"I just didn't know that one of my best friends was dating my ex" Sirius angrily yelled at her.

"Are you freakin' blind?" She shouted back.

Then the door closed, making it impossible to make out what they were yelling.

Remus wanted to run after Sirius and explain the whole situation to him, but then he realized; Sirius snogged whoever he wanted, why shouldn't Remus be allowed to enjoy a day in Hogsmeade with a friend, just because that friend happened to be Sirius' ex?

* * *

Oh Remus...

I've been looking forward to this chapter ever since I started writing this story :3

Please review, it means a lot to me ^^


	14. In the dorm – Chapter 14

Hi there ^^

For safety matters I ought to M-rate it from here o.o

It wont turn into smut or anything, but Sirius will get a more prominent a role and I honestly think that he's reason enough to M-rate this o.o

Just to make sure that I don't offend anyone ^^

* * *

Chapter 14 – In the dorm

Remus lay on his bed with his face pressed down against the pillow, moaning lightly.

The day with Amy had been great. When they'd left Madam Puddifoot's, Remus shuddered at the memory of the ghastly shop, they'd visited Honeyduke's where they'd joined James, Peter and Lily.

They'd all visited The Post Office, because Peter had wanted to send his mother a parcel, which apparently couldn't be sent from Hogwarts.

Remus adored The Post Office, there were owls everywhere. Lots of people didn't like it very much, there were droppings on the floor and the birds flew around, this meant that some of the mildly ornithophobic muggleborn girls hated it. These girls did of course also have a problem with the breakfast at Hogwarts, where a bunch of owls usually delivered post. Remus loved animals, so the owl-everywhere-aspect wasn't a problem for him.

Afterwards they'd gone to Zonko's, it was the second time for James, Peter and Lily that day, but James had insisted that Remus visited the shop as well.

It was the first time Amy visited the shop, when she told them James had just stared at her, eyes wide with shock until Lily had asked him to: "Stop being such an impolite prat" and smacked him with the book she was carrying.

Remus had the feeling that Amy hadn't exactly enjoyed herself, but she'd accepted her faith. When James however, had made a deck of playingcards explode in red and black hearts all over her coat, she'd asked Remus in a pleading voice, if they could go home.

James wasn't the person either Lily or Amy fancied the most for the rest of the day, even though he told Amy that "It'll go off. Just let me help you, I know a counterspell" she just stared horrified at him and wrapped her arms protectively around her coat.

Right before they went home Amy had allowed Remus to try James' spell. It had worked and the hearts had disappeared. After that Amy had warmed considerably up.

Now Remus was lying in the dorm, thinking of the incident at Madam Puddiffot's and the look on Sirius' face. The small moans were sounds of displeasure. Remus hadn't seen Sirius since the incident. He wanted to talk to Sirius and then on the other hand, he didn't want to at all.

It was around 9 pm. James and Peter had headed for the kitchen only minutes ago. They were hungry and hoped to meet Snape on the way "For the fun of it" as James had put it. Remus didn't approve of the way they treated the poor bloke, but he never stood up against his friends. Luckily they had toned it down, since it became clear that Lily had no intention of going out with James as long as he tortured Snape.

Suddenly the door opened with a loud bang. Remus got to his feet, ready to escape, which was his ultimate solution to every kind of shock.

It was Sirius. His dark features as handsome as ever, but he looked tense. He walked towards Remus with determined steps. Remus began getting nervous, that Sirius had come to beat him up for hitting on his ex. Remus shook the thought off him. Sirius wouldn't do that. He had a terrible temper and he had on more than one occasion hit Avery and Mulcriber, but they were creeps, who played terrible pranks on the other students.

As Sirius approached it became clear that he'd been drinking. Not firewhiskey as the average Hogwarts student would, but vodka. Sirius couldn't even drink himself from his senses without rebelling.

Remus walked slowly backwards, trying to delay the moment where he'd have to face Sirius. He suddenly didn't want to talk with Sirius at all, especially not a drunk Sirius. Sirius had always been unpredictable and Remus figured that a drunk Sirius would be even more so.

Remus' back hit the cold wall.

Shit.

Sirius approached, his steps measured. He gave Remus the impression of a hungry wolf, looking at its prey. This freaked Remus out. He started to wonder when James and Peter would return, but then realised that it could last hours. It usually did when they went for a midnight-snack.

Sirius reached Remus, who was pressed against the wall with nowhere to run. Remus could feel the panic burning through his body. Sirius slowly reached for Remus' face.

"Ehmm… Sirius" Remus finally got out.

Sirius started tracing Remus' jawline with his index-finger.

_No._

Remus moved slightly to the side, looking for an escape-route.

Sirius pinned Remus' hands against the wall with a tight grip around Remus' wrists.

"I'm not letting you run away this time," Sirius said roughly, his piercing grey eyes staring into Remus'.

Remus felt his breath hitch.

_No._

Sirius leaned slowly in.

_No._

He covered Remus' lips with his own.

_No…_

Remus stood, dead still. Not responding, that didn't seem to stop Sirius though.

_No…_

Sirius let his tongue run over Remus' lower lip.

_N… No…_

Remus opened his mouth without thinking.

_N…_

Remus rubbed his tongue against Sirius'

_No!_

Remus tried to pull away from the kiss, but he was pressed against the wall.

"Sirius, stop. You're drunk," Remus mumbled against Sirius' mouth.

"No, I'm not" Sirius replied in a whisper "Not that drunk" he added, without pulling away.

"What about Amy?" Remus desperate said.

"Screw Amy" Sirius roughly said "You're mine" he ran his tongue possessively over Remus' lip.

Usually Remus would've argued this statement, but his heart told his logic to take a hike. A request that Remus obeyed.

Remus slowly closed his eyes and leaned against Sirius, he applied more pressure to Sirius' lips and then bit lightly into Sirius' lower lip. Sirius' eyes widened in surprise, the surprise however soon was replaced with a deep, burning look in his stormy grey eyes. Sirius slowly let go of Remus wrists and instead he used his hands to explore Remus' body. He ran them down Remus' back and wrapped them around his waist. Remus allowed his hands to run through Sirius' soft, black hair.

After a while they pulled apart, breathless.

"That Saturday…" Remus croaked.

"You rejected me," Sirius said in a voice that almost smelt of hurt.

"No, I didn't" Remus said softly

"You didn't?" Sirius asked in a soft voice, and began stroking Remus' hair.

Remus shook his head lightly "No"

Sirius pulled him into a tight embrace, that made Remus wonder if his ribs would break.

"I saw you with Amy today" Sirius mumbled into Remus' hair. "Are you… Are you two dating?" he asked in a voice that trembled lightly.

"No, not at all" Remus laughed into Sirius' chest.

"It's not funny," Sirius said in a protective tone.

"Yeah, it is" Remus laughed, "When you're the one asking"

Sirius finally got the joke and gave a tiny huff of laughter into Remus' hair, then he lifted Remus' face towards him with a finger.

Remus' heart sped up and his breath grew into shallow huffs.

Sirius lifted Remus up in one swift movement and placed him on Sirius' bed.

Sirius placed himself above Remus and started kissing lightly down his neck.

"No, Sirius" Remus said, a small moan destroyed his strict tone.

"Why not?" Sirius said, carefully tracing Remus' collarbone with the tip of his tongue.

"I'm not… I'm not gay" Remus got out.

Sirius lifted his head, staring into Remus' eyes, then he seriously said: "That statement would be a lot easier to believe if your 'wand' wasn't digging into my hip".

Remus shot the wand on his bedside table a look. Then he realized what Sirius meant and blushed.

"I like you Sirius" Remus said in a low voice, not looking at Sirius "A lot, but you need to give me time, please".

Sirius looked for a moment as if he was about to protest, then he brushed his lips lightly against Remus', sighed and got up.

* * *

Hope you liked it ^^

This story'll change character a bit from here o.o hope you wont mind o.o

Please review, it means a lot to me ^^


	15. Snape's friends – Chapter 15

Chapter 15 – Snape's friends

The cold floor felt even colder against Remus' bare feet.

Remus had tossed and turned for a while before giving up upon the thought of sleeping in a near future.

The events of the night had been too much for his poor little heart; it was beating like crazy, skipping every second beat. Remus really wanted to be with Sirius, but he knew that he couldn't.

He had disappointed his parents enough already and he was abnormal enough as it was. The last thing Remus needed was to be gay.

Remus wasn't gay, he wasn't, couldn't be. Remus kept sticking to these thoughts in the hope of, that if you keep thinking it, it becomes true. It didn't work very well.

Remus had always been very good at controlling himself, but when Sirius was involved, his mind stopped. Remus tried to kick it, but it didn't help at all, his mind just made a tiny noise of displeasure, a bit like when you wake someone in the middle of the night, and went black once more. It was pathetic.

His gayness had almost been controllable when he thought that Sirius didn't like him. It was a lot harder now, Remus thought with a sigh.

Remus sat in a deep windowsill and looked out on the moon, it was almost full. Remus' transformation would happen within days. The transformations had been better since his friends had become animagi. Remus still couldn't believe that they'd become illegal animagi for him, it was a warm fluffy feeling mixed with guilt. It had helped, it was like he didn't loose his mind in the same way anymore. Before that he'd been all alone in The Shrieking Shack, scratching himself, he still had the scars. The terrible sounds he'd made had started the legend, that The Shrieking Shack was haunted. When his friends had joined him it became better and soon they were exploring the grounds instead of staying in the, said to be, haunted house.

This was where the guilt came from. Dumbledore had taken him in, just as Remus had given up all hope about going to a wizarding school. Remus knew that he was betraying the headmasters' trust and shuddered at the thought of what would happen if Dumbledore ever found out.

A cold drawling voice made Remus whip around "Lupin, out for a little walk in the moonlight, are we? I thought you were a prefect" it was Severus Snape.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep," Remus said, as always trying to be pleasant. At first Remus had been terrified when Snape used that kind of greetings, but it soon became clear that he didn't know about Remus, he had merely noticed how little Remus liked the moon.

It suddenly became clear that Snape wasn't alone. His friends Avery and Mulcriber were right behind him. Remus shuddered slightly, wondering where the rest of the slytheringang were. The group included the three slytherins present, Bellatrix Black, Rodolphus Lestrange, Evan Rosier and Wilkes.

Remus started to get frightened. Mulcriber and Avery had a very twisted, almost sadistic, sense of humour. They had, like Snape, a very prominent hate to The Marauders especially Sirius and they'd been fighting lots of times.

Remus reached for his wand, but then he realised that he wasn't carrying it. A memory of leaving it on his bedside table came to him. This wasn't good at all. Remus was alone and unarmed against three slytherins who didn't seem very friendly.

"What are you three doing out here?" Remus asked in a casual tone, trying to hide the panic.

"That's a funny story actually," Mulcriber said in a very unpleasant silky tone "Avery and myself were just heading to the kitchens, when we stumbled across our friend Snape," Remus started to get a bad feeling about this. Mulcriber continued, his voice silkier than ever "It seems that he'd just had a disagreement with your friends, do you know what state we found Snape in?"

Snape interrupted: "I think he gets it, Mulcriber" he was blushing slightly, which made Remus think that James had used the levicorpus-spell. A spell that hoisted your opponent into the air by the ankle.

Remus knew what was about to happen before Snape fired the spell.

Suddenly Remus was lifted into the air. Mulcriber and Avery grinned a very unpleasant laughter.

Remus grew cold with fear. How was he going to get out of this? He instantly made up his mind; no matter what they did to him, he wouldn't plea. Most people didn't know, but Remus' pain threshold was very high, he could stand an amount of pain that most people would faint by. People usually considered Remus a wimp.

Remus felt something making a deep cut in his cheek. He knew instantly that it was one of Snape's spells.

"Have you heard about Mary Macdonald?" Mulcriber whispered in Remus' ear. Remus stiffened a bit, he had indeed heard about the incident where Mulcriber and Avery had tried to use dark magic on the girl.

Remus clasped his eyes tightly together, preparing for the pain. But the pain never came.

"Get away from him" a harsh voice said.

The three slytherins turned on the spot and looked at Sirius.

"You heard me," Sirius said, pointing his wand against Snape, "Move".

"Shit, we can't touch him. He's a Black" Mulcriber mumbled, slowly backing away from Remus.

"Of course we can. No one in his family likes him anyway," Snape spat.

A light flashed and Snape fell to the floor, clutching his stomach.

"Get. Away. From. Him" Sirius said through gritted teeth.

Mulcriber and Avery sped up the backing.

"You better hope your friend is around the next time, too" Mulcriber snarled at Remus, before he turned and walked away followed by Avery and Snape, who was still clutching his stomach.

Sirius slowly lowered Remus to the floor, then offered his hand to assist Remus getting up.

"Are you allright?" Sirius asked concerned, sending evil glares to the dark corridor the slytherins had disappeared down.

"Yeah, I'm fine" Remus said with a small laugh, all of a sudden very interested in some dust on his sleeve.

Sirius slowly reached for Remus' chin. Suddenly he stopped and pulled back with a jerk "Good" he said in a hash tone and turned his back at Remus and started to walk.

It took Remus about a second to make up his mind.

"Sirius" he called after the tall, dark figure.

Sirius slowly turned "Yes?"

"Let's try" Remus said in a whisper.

"Try what?" Sirius said in a cold voice that couldn't disguise the short flash of pure happiness on his face. He moved closer to Remus.

"Let's try if we can get it to work" Sirius gave in to the happiness and looked at Remus with a wide grin.

Remus hesitated and bit his lower lip, "But can we please keep it to ourselves for a while?" Remus said pleadingly, some of the happiness had gone from Sirius' face "Just for a while. I'm not sure that I'm ready to tell the whole world yet".

The smile returned to Sirius' handsome face, though not as wide as before "Allright" then he leaned in to give Remus the kiss he yearned for. It was just a light touch, but it made Remus' heart speed up. When Sirius pulled away, Remus felt like he'd lost something precious and grabbed for Sirius again.

Remus wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius' neck and looked into his grey eyes.

"How did you know that I were in trouble?" Remus asked softly, playing with the soft hairs on the base of Sirius' hairline.

"James and Peter returned with the map," Sirius said in a slightly distracted voice, as he wrapped his arms around Remus' waist, "Do you have any idea how good you look in that?" Sirius whispered.

Remus' cheeks grew warm. He was wearing his pyjama pants and a slim black T-shirt. He didn't usually wear a T-shirt when he slept, but he'd put it on before he went out of the dorm.

Sirius slid his hand up Remus' back under his T-shirt.

"Sirius…" Remus started, "A teacher can appear any second".

Sirius sighed, kissed Remus' forehead and pulled back.

Remus immediately wanted Sirius' arms back, but knew it was a bad idea, if someone saw them the entire school would soon know and Remus would have to tell his parents.

"Are you coming?" Sirius said, reaching for Remus' hand.

Remus put his hand in Sirius' and together they walked back to the gryffindor tower.

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I actually feel kind of bad for Sirius o.o or not *evil laughter*

Thank you so much for the reviews, I really appreciate it :3


	16. Not your battle – Chapter 16

Chapter 16 – Not your battle

Remus sat at the gryffindor table, yawning. He'd spend most of Sunday sleeping, but he still was a bit tired.

The cut on his cheek was almost gone, there was only a thin scratch left. Sirius had insisted on healing it even though Remus had assured him that he could do it himself. Remus had finally given in, just to stop Sirius' nagging. "I'm not nagging, I just want to help" Sirius had said.

"What's wrong with you, Padfoot?" James said with raised eyebrows, "Usually you're like this:" James imitated one of Sirius' deathly glares "Monday morning, like you're going to kill someone if they ask you to pass the butter, but today you've got that smug look" James finished indicating Sirius' face with the butter knife he was holding.

Sirius shot James one of said glances, then the smug look returned. Sirius reached for a bun. He parted it and held the lower part out for Remus to take.

Neither James nor Peter noticed this, but Remus looked intensely at Sirius before taking the half bun.

Sirius knew that that half was Remus' favourite, but usually Sirius just ate it himself. Remus had asked Sirius for that part, one time in about 4th year and told him that it was his favourite, but he hadn't expected Sirius to remember.

The look on Sirius' face was beyond smug.

xXxXxXxXx

Remus had gone back to the transfiguration classroom for a book he'd forgotten.

He was half running. It was just before lunch and he was eager to join the others in the great hall.

He'd discovered that his book was missing when he, Peter and James had been heading for lunch. Sirius had went to the bathroom right before. James had half-heartedly offered to go back for the book with Remus, but it was clear that he was hungry so Remus had declined his offer.

Remus reached the classroom and opened the door. He had only just closed the door behind him when he heard a voice that made him stop.

"Don't move" it was Snape and his gang, all six this time. Snape was pointing his wand at Remus.

"Nice chat we had Saturday," Mulcriber said sweetly.

Remus didn't move a muscle. Why did he always meet these kinds of persons when he was on his own? The answer came at once.

"Interesting book 'Magical hieroglyphs and logograms'" Bellatrix Black said in a mocking voice, she was holding the book Remus had went back for, flipping the pages in a way that made Remus want to launch for the book immediately, to protect it from harm.

Bellatrix was Sirius' cousin, but the two of them had never gotten along. On the other hand, Sirius never got along with any of his family-members. Bellatrix was one of the best-looking girls at Hogwarts, unfortunately she was also one of the maddest.

"Please give it back" Remus said in a polite voice and reached his hand towards her.

Bellatrix lifted her eyebrows and looked at Remus with amusement. She started giggling, then she suddenly stopped and half-closed her heavily lidded eyes "I don't think so, Lupin" she said, drawling on the L.

"What do you want?" Remus asked, turning to look at Snape. This motion that indicated that Remus didn't focus on her, didn't please Bellatrix, she angrily threw the book at the floor and stamped in the floor.

Rodolphus put a hand on her arm, she looked as if she was going to hit him, but the look turned to joy when he whispered something inaudible in her ear.

Snape smiled an unpleasant smile "We just wanted to hear if your cheek is feeling better".

Remus was starting to get annoyed, he really wanted to get this over with "It's fine, how is your stomach?" he replied.

This question was apparently not to Snape's liking. It was clear that Snape had cast a spell and Remus instantly felt himself unable to speak, his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake" Wilkes said, rolling his eyes, "Was that what you brought us here to do?"

Snape's cheeks turned faintly pink and he pointed his wand at Remus once more. Remus felt his nose break. He didn't flinch.

"Oooh trying to be tough, are we?" Avery said in an imitated scared voice.

As Snape moved his wand once more the door to the classroom opened.

The colour drained slightly from Snape's cheeks. Remus turned around and saw a very strict-looking McGonagall.

"What is going on here, if I may ask?" She said in a cold voice.

"Nothing, Ma'am" Bellatrix drawled.

"Miss Black, go to the headmasters' office and take your friends with you" McGonagall said, not looking at Bellatrix. "Now" she added in an icy voice.

As Bellatrix passed Remus she breathed him seductively in the ear "See you later".

When all the slytherins had gone McGonagall turned to Remus "What happened?" she demanded to know.

Remus gestured towards his mouth to explain that he couldn't talk.

McGonagall pulled out her wand, while, at least that's what it sounded like to Remus, she under her breath cursed slytherins.

Suddenly Remus' tongue was free to move again.

"Now, what happened?" McGonagall said, repeating her question.

"Oh, nothing" Remus said and bent down to retrieve his book "I just forgot my book in the classroom and Miss Black was so nice as to find it for me, professor" Remus didn't want to involve anyone in this. He hated telling on others even if they were unpleasant slytherins.

McGonagall eyed him suspiciously, but didn't pursue the subject any further. Instead she looked at Remus' nose. "Let me help you with that" she said tapping Remus' nose lightly with her wand.

"I think you ought to pay The Hospital Wing a visit, Mr Lupin" McGonagall said when Remus' nose had returned to normal.

"Thank you professor, but I'm fine" Remus said and hurried from the classroom.

xXxXxXxXx

"Where've you been?" Sirius asked, the moment Remus sat down at the table, concerned eying his face.

"I forgot my book" Remus said and held up the book "So I had to go back for it".

Sirius rolled his eyes "Of course you did" just as Remus thought that he'd dropped the subject Sirius leaned in "You do know that you've got blood all over your face, right?" he said in a secretive tone soaked in sarcasm.

"You look like shit, mate," James said helpfully before taking another bite of his sausage.

Remus unsuccessfully tried to wipe his face in his sleeve.

"Stop it, you're making it worse" Sirius said and grabbed a piece of paper "Move your arm" he said impatiently, Remus obediently lowered his arm and allowed Sirius to wipe the blood off.

"You'll tell me later" Sirius stated, rather than asked.

xXxXxXxXx

"Why wont you tell me what happened?" Sirius asked frustrated and got to his feet, from his crouched down position in front of Remus, who was sitting on a table.

Remus and Sirius were in an empty classroom. It was just after dinner and they were supposed to be working on their human transfiguration skills, not that any of them really needed to practice, but it had been their excuse to get away from James and Peter.

Remus' feet were dangling in the air and he was looking down when he answered: "Because if I tell you the first thing you'll do is run off and get into a fight".

"Remus, I'm not stupid, I know who did this to you. This is not your battle" Sirius said, forcing Remus to look at him "They're doing this to you, because of me" Sirius indicated the scratch on Remus' chin.

"Nothing happened, I'm allright," Remus said with a little smile.

"That time I was there," Sirius said while carefully stroking Remus' cheek "I have to do something if they keep picking on you,"

"Why do _you _need to do something?" Remus said, shifting slightly.

"You don't get it, do you?" Sirius said with a joyless laughter, then he stared intensely into Remus' eyes "They're trying to get to me through you. It's because of me they're hurting you".

Remus' mouth formed a silent 'oh'.

"Don't give in then. Ignore them, otherwise you'll just give them what they want" Remus said.

Sirius smiled brightly at him "I don't care, as long as I at the same occasion get to bruise them" then he, as a second thought, added "Badly".

Remus realised that this was an argument he could never win. He knew Sirius far too well to think that he could persuade him. Instead he wrapped his legs around Sirius' waist and whispered: "Be careful, then" before Sirius pulled him into a kiss.

When they pulled apart Sirius looked at Remus and said: "And now you're going to tell me exactly what happened".

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In the last chapter I misspelled Wilkes' name as Wilkins O.O I'm sorry about that o.o

Hope you liked this chapter ^^

Thank you for reviewing, it means a lot to me :3


	17. When the wolf's away – Chapter 17

Chapter 17 – When the wolf's away, the mice will play

The pale moon was shining through the window in the dorm.

Remus was standing by the window, bathed in the moonlight.

He always had a hard time falling asleep when the moon approached its full phase. He didn't really know why, but he suspected that the moon affected him. He was always more restless around full moon and he easier got annoyed.

It could also be the effect of the constant fear for hurting anyone while he was a werewolf, this fear got multiplied when the time for the transformation approached.

Remus felt a hand on his shoulder, but didn't turn, he knew who it was.

"Go to bed, Remus" Sirius softly whispered, to avoid waking up the others, "You'll feel even worse Wednesday if you don't sleep tonight" Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus, bent down and gently kissed Remus' neck.

Remus turned around and looked Sirius in the eyes "Not here," he whispered and removed Sirius' arms, "Goodnight, Padfoot".

xXxXxXxXx

He was running.

Over his head was the black sky.

A black sky with a huge white orb.

Underneath his paws was nothing but grass.

Grass that stretched into the eternity.

He was with his friends.

They were not like him.

They smelt different.

This made him want to rip them.

Tear them.

But he couldn't.

Wouldn't.

They were his friends.

His playmates.

xXxXxXxXx

When Remus woke up it was early in the afternoon and The Hospital Wing was buzzing with life.

"Hey Moony" James was grinning broadly at him.

Remus felt a tiny hint of disappointment that it wasn't Sirius. Then he started wondering what James was doing there.

Remus always spent a day in The Hospital Wing after a transformation, to get patched up and relax. But his friends seldom stayed with him.

"Hey Prongs" Remus smiled back, "What are you doing here?"

James' grin grew wider "I had to go check to our dear Padfoot" he leaned in, in an attempt to look confidential "I think he's crazy".

"He always has been, didn't you know?" Remus grinned back. Then he suddenly realised what James had just told him and grew worried, "Is he here?" Remus asked concerned.

"Yup, over there" James said, indicating the bed beside Remus'. As James tilted his head to the left, Remus noticed that he had a black eye.

"What happened to your eye?" Remus asked.

"Sirius Black" James said seriously.

"I think you need to tell me that story," Remus said with raised eyebrows.

James grinned at him, he loved telling stories. James started:

"It was around lunch and Padfoot, Wormtail and the centre of the universe, that's me, were walking down the corridor.

Suddenly that little slime, Mulcriber, came strolling down the corridor as if he owned the place. I don't know why he wasn't with his shitty little friends.

Anyway, he bumped into Padfoot, who was just walking there, hadn't done anything to him. I actually don't know what happened, but it looked like Mulcriber whispered something to Padfoot. The next thing I knew was that Padfoot forced his bag into my arms and flung himself on Mulcriber. I don't think the little shit expected it, because he fell to the floor with Padfoot on top of him, dropping his wand and everything. Padfoot started beating the cra…"

An evil look from Madam Pomfrey made James stop his swearing.

"Padfoot started hitting him. Mulcriber didin't stand a chance, but then Avery came along. Not that it was much of a surprise, he's always sticking to Mulcriber, like they were dating or something. But Avery cast some spell at Padfoot. I don't know which; the little pureblood-shits are always using non-verbal spells, you know, like they think that their curses are so great that everyone would want to steal them or something like that.

I knew that Padfoot didn't stand a chance against two of the little cowards. He'd left his wand with me. Wormtail offered to hold the bags and I launched myself on Avery."

Remus shot James a quizzical look.

"It was a non-wand fight. Just because that cowardly little creep uses unfair tricks, that doesn't mean that I'll do so as well. That's the difference between us and them.

The grit hit me," this was said in an offended tone as James indicated the black eye.

"Just as I had gotten a hold of the slimy guy, McGonagall came strolling down the corridor. You'd think she'd be on our team, but no. She stopped the fighting, sent Mulcriber and Avery to Dumbledore's office, gave Padfoot and me detention for about a month and sent Padfoot to The Hospital Wing."

James ended his story.

"What happened to Padfoot?" Remus asked more worried than he'd been before James' story.

"I actually don't know," James suddenly started to sound worried, "He got all cut up, I don't think Madam Pomfrey has stopped the bleeding yet".

Remus threw the blanket off and ran to Sirius' bed.

Sirius looked pale and his face had a greyish colour. Remus carefully removed one of the bandages and looked at the cut. He'd seen that kind of cut before.

"Get Snape," He said, turning to James, the fear making his mouth turn dry.

"Snivellus? Why..." James started.

"Just get him!" Remus shouted at James.

James looked taken aback and then, probably because of the shock, that kind Remus could shout at anyone, he went looking for "The greasy git" as he displeased mumbled.

"Are you insane?" Madam Pomfrey asked and forced Remus back to bed.

xXxXxXxXx

After a while James returned with a very displeased Snape and a furious Lily.

Snape went over to Remus' bed and drawled: "You wanted to see me" in a voice that was almost dripping from sarcasm.

"It's your spell" Remus simply said, "I trust you are capable of stopping it."

"I have no idea what you're…" Snape started, but was cut off by a cold look from Lily.

"Just do it," Remus coolly said "Nobody's going to tell on you," he almost spat the last line out.

Lily glared at Snape. He sighed, made sure that there wasn't any teachers nearby and went over to Sirius' bed.

Snape started moving his wand over Sirius. Muttering something inaudible. He did it three times. Then he turned to Lily "Happy?" and marched from the room.

* * *

That's it for this time I hope you liked it ^^

The title is a danish saying that I've translated into english (and substituted "Cat" with "Wolf", I'm such a creative person :3), I don't know if it's a saying in english o.o

Please review, it means a lot to me ^^ and if you have any good insults I can use on the slytherins I'd love to hear them o.o I kind of ran out...


	18. A challenge – Chapter 18

Chapter 18 – A challenge

"Go back to bed or I'm going to tie you down" Madam Pomfrey ordered Remus in a strict voice for the eighth time in about an hour.

Remus walked sulkily back to his bed. He really wanted to check on Sirius, and he didn't want to wait.

The others had gone back to the commonroom around an hour ago. Lily had started yelling of James, something about how it was his fault, all of it. She didn't get to the part about what exactly was James' fault or why it was his fault before Madam Pomfrey had kicked them out.

Madam Pomfrey had looked surprised when she noticed that the cuts on Sirius' body were much better. She hadn't questioned it, though, Madam Pomfrey never did, she just patched you up. She immediately began applying Dittany, "It's dittany. To avoid scaring. Now go back to bed" she'd told Remus when he kept asking what she was doing and why she was doing it.

Remus had actually recognised the brown liquid immediately, but he just needed to hear it from someone who knew what they were doing.

Remus wanted to help, but he knew that he couldn't do anything. He sank his head back in the pillow and looked at the bedside-table. Suddenly he noticed that there was lying something on it. It was some of Sirius' chocolate, the same as the last time Remus had been in The Hospital Wing.

Remus couldn't help but wonder how Snape was capable of inventing spells that dangerous. He knew that Snape experimented with spells, but 'till this point it had been harmless ones nothing this serious before. He'd recognised the cuts on Sirius' body the second he saw them. They were caused by the same spell that Snape had used on Remus Saturday, the one that had made the scratch in Remus' cheek.

He was pulled back to reality by a voice, "You can go now, Mr Lupin" Madam Pomfrey said.

Remus looked pleadingly at her, he didn't want to leave Sirius "Can't I stay? Just for the night?" She sighed and looked like she was about to decline, but then she nodded.

xXxXxXxXx

It was in the middle of the night and The Hospital Wing was deserted when Sirius began to stir. Remus noticed at once and in a matter of seconds he was by Sirius' side.

Sirius opened his eyes and smiled faintly at Remus "I guess I'm the one with blood all over now," he said with a little laughter.

Remus flung his arms around Sirius. Remus loosened his grip a bit, when he saw that Sirius flinched from the pain as Remus touched his barely healed wounds.

"Don't do that again, ever," Remus said looking into Sirius' eyes.

"Do what?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Get in a fight with the slytherins" Remus said seriously.

"But I had to, you see, the little slime insulted _you_" Sirius said, suddenly serious.

"I don't care if he _murders_ me, don't do it" Remus snapped.

"You're adorable when you're concerned" Sirius said softly, stroking Remus' frown.

"Don't 'you're adorable' me" Remus hissed, "You almost _died_"

Sirius gave a little laughter "I doubt that was the case"

"All the blood was drained from your face" Remus said in a mix between a hiss and a soft voice.

"Well, then you know how it is to be me" Sirius teased "I'm always concerned for you" he added softly.

"You don't have to be" Remus said, the hiss had returned. He grabbed the chocolate bar and broke it into pieces.

"Here" Remus said and reached his hand forward with a piece for Sirius to take.

"No, it's for you" Sirius said, closing Remus' hand around the piece of chocolate.

"You need it more than me" Remus insisted, thrusting his hand forward.

When Sirius showed no signs of planning to take it Remus put the chocolate in his mouth.

Sirius made a smug sound that immediately was muted but Remus' lips. Sirius opened his mouth to allow Remus' tongue entry. He felt the chocolate slip into his mouth, then Remus pulled back.

Now Remus was the one with the smug look.

"Why, you little" Sirius started in an outraged tone. Remus stuck his tongue out at him. Sirius reached forward and pulled Remus back down to him.

In the end they had no idea who had the piece, but none of them cared anymore.

xXxXxXxXx

Remus sat at the breakfast table, missing Sirius.

Sirius had to stay in The Hospital Wing for at least another day, Madam Pomfrey had said. Remus was in a way happy for that, because it meant another day before Sirius would get involved in something else, but on the other hand he didn't want Sirius to be away for a whole day.

"Oh Lily, please. They started it," James' almost begging voice rang through the great hall.

"Don't 'Lily' me, Potter. They wouldn't have if you and Black wasn't so nasty to Severus" Lily said, walking fast towards a seat among her girlfriends.

James sulkily sat down.

"She's got a point you know" Remus said.

"Oh, shut up you little know-it-all. She'll come around eventually," James said, staring at Lily who glared angrily back at him before refusing to acknowledge his presence anymore.

"I'm not hungry" James suddenly stated and got up.

"I'll go with you," Remus said and got up as well. He didn't feel like eating anyway. "Just eat your breakfast, Wormtail, we'll meet you in the classroom" he added. He knew that Peter was going to be in a terrible mood for the rest of the day if he didn't get his breakfast.

xXxXxXxXx

None of the two boys noticed that they were being followed before they stood in an empty corridor, it was one of the corridors where no one ever came, but no one could explain why.

A voice made both of them whip around "How are your friend?" it was Mulcriber, his voice as silky as ever. Behind him stood the rest of the gang.

"Up and around already, I see," James cheered at him.

"Bugger off, Potter. It's not you we want to talk to," Avery said sourly.

"A bit pricky today, aren't we?" James said.

Mulcriber ignored him and turned to Remus "It's you we want to _talk_ to,"

Remus interrupted him: "I want you to leave Sirius alone".

The entire slytherin gang screamed with laughter.

"Want to force us? Lupin" Bellatrix mocked, as always drawling on the L.

"Shut up, Bella" Mulcriber snapped.

Bellatrix made a motion towards him, as if she was going to tear him apart, but Rodolphus' hand on her arm stopped her.

"Lupin, I have a suggestion to make" Mulcriber said sweetly "Meet us in the astronomytower at midnight. We'll have a little duel. If I win you'll help us get your little friend Black down. If you win we'll leave you alone"

"Both of us?" Remus asked.

"Both of you" Mulcriber said.

Snape started to protest, "That wasn't what we agreed" he hissed, but Mulcriber ignored him.

"What kind of duel?" Remus asked.

"Moony, you're not seriously considering it, are you?" James said shocked. Remus ignored him.

"No wands. The muggle way" Mulcriber replied much to Remus' surprise.

Usually slytherins didn't want to do anything the muggle way. Suddenly Remus realised what they were trying to do. They thought that Remus was a wimp, but they knew that he was smart enough to beat them in a wand-fight.

"Deal," Remus replied with a wolf-like grin. Holding out his hand for Mulcriber to take.

"You're mad, Moony. Totally bonkers" James said resignedly.

Mulcriber shook Remus' hand.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed the chapter ^^

None of you have mentioned it, but I feel like explaining it anyway:

Concerning The slytherins' names. I call them what I think Remus would've called them. Most of them I just call by their surname, but a person as Bellatrix, I mean, can you picture Remus calling her Black?

As always I adore reviews :3

The holiday is almost over o.o which means that I probably wont get to update as often as I'd like to o.o but don't worry, I'll try my best to avoid too big holes in the updating ^^ (I am the most impatient person in the universe myself o.o I hate waiting for stories to get updated...)


	19. Preparations – Chapter 19

Chapter 19 – Preparations 

"Are you out of your mind?" James said to Remus, then he under his breath moaned: "Padfoot is so going to kill me".

"No, he wont, he'd miss you too much" Remus replied merrily "Besides, he doesn't necessarily has to know".

James snorted "He'll find out and then he'll kill me twice. One time for letting you get beat up and another time for not telling him about it." He had a point, Remus thought.

"Don't be foolish, Prongs, he can't kill you multiple times" Remus grinned, then his expression turned to a look of earnest "Who says that I'm going to be beaten up?" he asked.

James looked at him as if to decide whether or not this was a joke "Just look at you" he exclaimed, indicating Remus' entire being.

Remus decided to drop the subject. It was true that he wasn't very tough or strong, but he had a high pain threshold and he was bright. Remus never threw himself into a fight without a strategy, unlike Sirius.

When Remus had been little he'd given up all hope of going to Hogwarts, or any other wizarding school for that matter, therefore his parents had sent him to a muggle school. Remus had lived in a tough neighbourhood as a kid and the school resembled that. The gangs had decided that Remus would make an easy target.

In the beginning Remus had lived with it, avoiding his parents questions by telling them that he'd fallen down and that yes, he had bought lunch that day. During that period Remus had gotten tough, not in a visible way, but he knew that he could've taken down one of the gangmembers any time. Remus didn't though, he was too afraid that he would accidentally use magic on the poor guy.

One time, on his way home they'd passed him up. That one time Remus had gotten fed up, it was the first and only time he'd allowed himself to beat up another person. He'd gone for the leader of the gang, knowing that he wouldn't allow the others to interfere, his image would be torn to pieces if he did, and hit him before the guy knew what happened. Then Remus had dodged all of his attempts to hit back and finally Remus had launched himself on him. Then Remus had lost control and had kept hitting the guy until someone had pulled him away. Remus had been eight years old.

He shook the uncomfortable thoughts off him.

"Prongs" Remus instead said hesitantly "Have you ever, you know, had sex?"

James looked shocked, that pure, virginal Remus would ask such a question, "Well, no. I'm waiting for Lily to come around. I think you'd rather ask Sirius" he sniggered.

Remus frowned. He couldn't ask Sirius, but of course James didn't know that, he blushed at the thought. "And you think the whole 'waiting for Lily to come around' is going perfectly well?" Remus said, raising his eyebrows, in an attempt to change the subject.

James scratched his neck "Umm, it went terrific until today. Haven't you noticed? Since last week she has warmed considerably up to me." Remus had indeed noticed, it was a bit odd. The one day Lily was cursing "The prat Potter" and the next she was as glued to said Potter. Lily had always had an unpredictable temper after all.

Peter was waiting for them at the Defence against the dark arts classroom.

"Hey guys" he smiled at them "Where've you been?"

xXxXxXxXx

After the class James pulled Remus aside "You know the whole Lily matter we discussed earlier… Can't you talk to her or something, just give her a tiny push in the right direction?" James almost begged.

"I don't know… I can try, I guess…" Remus said hesitant. He didn't want to get mixed up in James and Lily's strange relationship any more than he wanted to awake Lily's wrath.

"You're a pal, Moony" James grinned and patted Remus on the back, apparently accepting his answer as a yes.

Remus sighed. He made a mental note of one day learning to say no. Then he walked over to Lily, who stood among a group of girls, Remus quickly waved at Amy, to let her know that he'd seen her.

"Ehh, Lily… Do you have a minute?" Remus said, getting more and more convinced that this was a bad idea.

Lily turned to look at Remus then she smiled brightly at him "Sure."

They moved a bit away from the others, before Remus talked "It's about James."

Lily turned her eyes "Oh, asking his friends to talk to me, is he?"

"Please Lily. He really has grown up lately, that… episode… the other day was just to protect Sirius. He's a really great friend," Remus said in his most winning tone.

Lily chewed her chin thoughtfully. Then her expression suddenly cleared and she hugged Remus "Thanks" she turned to say as she walked over to James and hit him on the arm.

"You're a prat, Potter," she said before putting her arms around his neck and kissing him. The entire class was catcalling and cheering. Someone behind him Remus heard someone moan: "Finally"

When they broke apart James sent Remus a bright smile and mouthed: "Thanks" at him.

Remus shook his head. Lily remained a mystery.

xXxXxXxXx

It was after dinner and Remus sat at the floor in the dorm, preparing for midnight.

He wanted to go see Sirius in The Hospital Wing, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to hide the upcoming challenge from him. Remus was terrible at keeping things from people he loved, he just wasn't capable of doing it. He didn't doubt even one second that he would spill everything if he talked to Sirius. Remus decided to see him tomorrow instead.

All his clothes lay spread in front of him. He couldn't wear a robe. It would be impossible to fight in, he would get tangled into it and it would leave loads of loose material for Mulcriber to grab.

Remus took off his watch, that wouldn't work either. He couldn't leave anything for Mulcriber to grab. His tactic was to avoid that Mulcriber caught him. Mulcriber was about twice Remus' size and he could be sure to be mashed if Mulcriber got a proper hold of him.

In the end Remus decided to wear a tight black T-shirt, a pair of tight black trousers without a belt and trainers. That left nothing for Mulcriber to hold on to and as a bonus Remus would almost melt into the dark surroundings. Remus fastened his wand to his right leg, hidden by the trousers. He didn't want to meet six Slytherins at night unarmed.

Remus wished that James' first detention with McGonagall hadn't been tonight. He didn't want to go alone and he was sure that Mulcriber would bring all of his friends. Remus had for a moment thought about bringing Peter, but he knew that fights wasn't really Peter's thing, so almost at once Remus had decided not to ask Peter.

* * *

School has started again and that means less time for writing T-T

Sorry about the kind of shortish, non-eventful chapter o.o hope I made it up to you by adding a bit of Jily :3


	20. The fight – Chapter 20

Chapter 20 – The fight

Remus left the dorm at 11:45 pm. hidden under James' invisibility cloak.

James had graciously allowed him to borrow his precious cloak "Padfoot might spare my life if he knows that I've at least helped you" he'd said. Remus was quite sure that it also had something to do with him talking to Lily for James, but didn't mention it.

Remus wasn't sure whether or not it was a bad thing that it was just around his transformation. On the bright side he usually got stronger around that time, but he also got exhausted easier and was more likely to loose his mind. He didn't really have a choice though. This was his chance, if he was ever going to fight one of the Slytherins it had to be without Sirius' knowledge.

Remus reached the astronomytower without being discovered. He quickly hid James' invisibility cloak in a hole in the wall beside the door and drew a deep, calming breath of the cool night air before opening the door that led to the astronomytower itself.

Just as he'd suspected they would, all six Slytherins were present. They formed an almost perfectly semicircle. If Remus hadn't been so focused on Mulcriber he would've noticed how magnificent they looked against the black-blue night sky in their black and green robes whipping around them in the wind.

The thing on Remus' mind, however, was that Mulcriber wasn't taking this serious. The robes would interfere with any movement he tried to make and Remus would easily be able to grab the robe and, with any luck, be able to throw him to the floor.

"Well, well, well we almost began to fear that you wouldn't turn up" Mulcriber said, clicking his tongue.

"But you had to, didn't you? To protect your pathetic Gryffindor-bravery," Snape drawled.

Mulcriber ignored Snape's remark and addressed Remus: "The rules: No wands. No interference from others. We fight 'till the first drop of blood, understood?"

"That's not what we agreed upon" Snape snapped.

Mulcriber was clearly loosing his patience with the guy. He whipped around and stared angrily at Snape "Will you shut up? I don't care. Who do you think you are? The leader or something?" he yelled, stepping forward to grab Snape, who was moving backwards so quickly that it was a wonder he didn't fall over, by the collar. Rodolphus quickly stepped forward, shooting Mulcriber a warning look.

Mulcriber turned angrily to Remus "What about it?"

Remus felt his jaw tighten; he hadn't expected the blood-part "Yes, that seems fair" he replied.

Remus had to take an awkward sideways step to avoid Mulcriber's immediate lunge towards him. Mulcriber was a Slytherin after all, so what had made Remus think he would play fair? He could hear someone mumble "What a looser" and Bellatrix broke in to a manical laughter.

Mulcriber stumbled graceless past Remus. In about a second before he was going to fall over he whipped around and glared at Remus.

Mulcriber hit Remus on the side of the head that made Remus go dizzy. Mulcriber was stronger than he'd expected.

Bellatrix' laughter of glee blended with the ringing from the blow.

Remus adjusted the position of his feet to distribute the weight properly.

Mulcriber tried again to hit him, but Remus moved swiftly to the right.

It soon developed into a dance. Lunge. Step. Lunge. Step. Lunge. Dodge. Lunge. Step.

Mulcriber became more and more frustrated that he couldn't deliver a proper blow.

"What's the matter Gryffindor, are you too afraid to fight back?" Mulcriber sneered and kicked towards Remus.

Remus allowed the night air to cool him down, Remus didn't answer, he just stepped out of Mulcriber's range.

Remus was starting to get tired and he could feel the rage threatening to take over. He had to focus on it to hold it back.

Mulcriber took advantage of Remus' moment of distraction and kicked him hard on the shin. Remus was preoccupied with holding back.

"I think you _are _frightened. Just like your shitty little friend. How is he by the way?" Mulcriber continued, directing another kick at Remus' stomach.

Remus felt the white-hot anger threating to drown his mind. He braced himself for the blow and allowed Mulcriber to hit him. Mulcriber's kick was more powerful than expected, Remus felt a jolt of pain that threatened to beat the air out of Remus' lungs. Remus pulled himself together, then he grabbed Mulcriber's foot and pulled. A cry of surprise escaped Mulcriber's lips as he landed flat on his back, tangled into his robes.

Remus moved quickly and while Mulcriber was still disorientated and gasped for breath he placed himself on the boy's chest, pinning his arms to his sites.

"Give up?" Remus asked slightly out of breath.

"Afraid to spill my blood, Gryffindor?" Mulcriber hissed and spat Remus in the face.

Truth to be told, Remus was, he was afraid that he would loose control, but he had to end this. He considered simply scratching Mulcriber, but he was afraid that he would somehow infect Mulcriber with werewolf. Besides he wanted to avenge Sirius and prove that he wasn't a pussy.

He lifted his hand and with one swift downwards jab, he hit Mulcriber on the nose bone with the side of his hand. He heard a crushing noise and Mulcriber let out a shout of agony as the blood smattered his face.

Remus felt his mind go clouded, the scent of warm blood was awakening the wolf in him. He stared hypnotised at the blood, seriously considering licking it off.

The throbbing of his head brought him back to reality. Remus quickly got to his feet, for a short terrifying moment he thought that his leg wasn't going to hold his weight. Remus moved fast away from Mulcriber.

The Slytherins had gone completely silent and the only sound was the whimpers Mulcriber made and the wind.

"First drop of blood, remember?" Remus said, steadying his voice.

The Slytherins stared at him in disbelief. Mulcriber slowly got to his feet wiping the blood off his face.

"Why you little…" he hissed walking alarmingly slow towards Remus as he drew his wand.

"Mulcriber, enough. He won, fair and square. Leave him be" Rosier said, the displeasure audible.

"I did" Remus said, "Now leave Sirius and me alone" he whipped around and went for the door, trying to disguise his limp and hoping that the Slytherins would for once keep their word and wouldn't curse him from behind.

He needed to see Sirius; that was the only thought occupying his clouded mind. He absentmindedly grabbed James' cloak on his way out. Remus started to walk down the stairs.

In that moment his leg gave in to the pressure and suddenly Remus was stumbling down the stairs.

He hit something hard. Not stone-hard as he'd expected, but a soft kind of hard. His fall abruptly came to an end as hands grabbed him, rough at first, but once they'd gotten a proper hold of him, gentle. He was lifted from the ground.

Sirius' face greeted him.

* * *

Oh Remus :3

I'm beginning to wonder what Remus would do without Sirius o.o he would probably die or something o.o

Please review I appreciate it ^^ and thanks to those who have reviewed, I love you :3 sorry I didn't answer you all o.o I'm just terribly busy for the moment so I put writing the story first ^^


	21. Too late? – Chapter 21

It has come to my attention that I've been spelling Mulciber's name with as Mulcriber, I didn't even notice o.o thank you for mentioning it ^^

* * *

Chapter 21 – Too late?

Sirius stared at him with a stony expression that Remus couldn't read. At first he thought that Sirius was angry. His face was white and his lips were pressed tightly together. Suddenly Remus realised that it wasn't an angered expression, but a pained one. Sirius was probably still suffering from Snape's curse.

Remus tried to get out of Sirius' grip. It was obviously hurting Sirius to carry him, but Sirius was stronger, the intensity of the pained expression raised and Remus figured that he was hurting Sirius even more with his struggling. This made him stop at once.

The black haired boy looked at him and hugged him tightly.

"Let go of me, Sirius. Not here," Remus said.

Sirius loosened his grip and began to walk, Remus still in his arms.

"What are you doing here?" Remus asked, accepting the fact that he was going to be carried.

"James told me," he simply said.

That bastard, he couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it, Remus should've known.

As they made a right turn Remus realised that Sirius wasn't taking him to The Gryffindor Tower.

"Ehh, Sirius, where are we going?" Remus asked, absentmindedly playing with Sirius' collar. His head was hurting like crazy.

"The Hospital Wing. You're hurt" Sirius replied curtly.

"No, I'm not" Remus argued.

Sirius didn't bother answering, he just looked at Remus with raised brows.

Suddenly Sirius spoke "You're not doing anything like that ever again" Remus opened his mouth to argue, but Sirius cut him off "Don't argue me. You're not made to fight. You could have died." Sirius' eyes were alive with concern.

"I won" Remus mumbled against Sirius' neck. He felt Sirius stiffen.

"You what?" Sirius asked in a voice that sounded like he was going to faint.

"I won" Remus repeated, "I broke Mulciber's nose"

Sirius started to laugh. It was a mix between a tinkly surprised laughter and a humourless laughter. He held Remus tightly and then placed a gentle kiss on Remus' lips. Remus pressed his lips against Sirius', starving for a proper kiss, but then he realised that they were standing in the middle of corridor and pulled back.

"Not here" Remus said.

Sirius stared into his eyes, then he hoarsely whispered: "No one is going to see us" and pressed his lips against Remus' again.

This time Remus didn't pull back. Instead he replied the kiss and parted his lips to allow Sirius' tongue entrance. Sirius deepened the kiss and Remus tangled his hands into Sirius' shining black hair.

Sirius slowly loosened his grip around Remus' legs and lowered him to the floor without letting go of Remus' lips. Sirius pressed Remus roughly against the wall, perhaps to make sure Remus didn't fall over. Remus' skin was burning in the places Sirius' body pressed against his.

Sirius' hands slid under Remus' shirt and brushed against his ribs, sending shivers down Remus' spine. Sirius' hands slowly moved downwards.

"No, Sirius" Remus moaned against Sirius' lips. Then he drew a deep breath "I'm not ready" and gently pushed Sirius away. Sirius' expressions darkened, then he picked Remus up again and continued the walk towards The Hospital Wing.

Remus was sure that Sirius' patience was running out, he wasn't going to wait forever, but Remus just wasn't comfortable with it. He still hadn't accepted the fact that he was gay entirely and he wasn't ready to tell anyone about his non-straightness or his relationship with Sirius.

*XxX*XxX*

Sirius was standing in the corridor. He had just handed Remus over to Madam Pomfrey and knew that he ought to join him in The Hospital Wing. His entire body was aching from the healing cuts, carrying Remus hadn't helped and he was certain that some of the wounds had reopened.

He started to walk. He was heading for The Astronomy Tower, hoping that the little slimes were still there. He didn't exactly have a plan, but on the other hand Sirius never used plans, so far it had worked very well, or… well. Allright maybe it hadn't worked exactly great, but hey, he hadn't been killed, yet.

No one touched his Remus without paying. Remus had sworn that he wasn't hurt, but the distant look in his eyes had been obvious and he hadn't been able to walk by himself, he had almost fallen down the stairs, Sirius thought, his palms grew wet with fear of what could've happened.

If he knew the Slytherins they would still be there, arguing over who was responsible for the cock up and hexing each other into obliviation. He almost began to giggle when he thought of his cousin Bellatrix's reaction, but stopped himself, Sirius Black did not giggle.

As he had suspected the Slytherins were still in the tower, arguing loudly.

Sirius hid himself at the end of the stairs, waiting for their arguing to stop. He knew he couldn't fight all six of them on the same time, he had to hope for them to split up and then choose one of the groups to follow. He hoped that he'd get a chance to beat up Mulciber and maybe also Snivellus.

His wish was granted; in that very moment Mulciber and Avery went past him in a hurry and after a second Snape rushed after them, looking angry.

Sirius followed them silently for a while.

"That creep" Mulciber said, clutching his nose, "I'm going to find him and murder him."

"Didn't you promise not to touch him if he won?" Avery said.

Mulciber shot him a cold look "The prat wasn't supposed to win."

Snape caught up with them.

"But he did. Broke your nose, didn't he**?**" Snape said with a cool voice.

Mulciber spun around.

"Snape, how lovely to see you" Mulciber said in the silky voice that indicated he wasn't pleased.

"How could you let him beat you?" Snape hissed, "He's a looser."

"Disappointed that your foolish plan failed?" Mulciber snapped.

"It wouldn't have if you'd actually cared to follow it" Snape hissed.

It was Snape's plan, Sirius thought, that wasn't really a surprise. The git had always hated them, especially Sirius. And it was quite Snape-ish to go for Sirius' soft spot, Remus.

Sirius drew his wand and moved from his hiding place.

*XxX*XxX*

Remus had lost conscience short after Sirius had handed him over to Madam Pomfrey, who'd greeted them with something that sounded suspiciously like: "Why don't you just move in?"

When Remus woke up it was Friday morning, he figured he'd slept for about six hours. His head was still throbbing lightly and he lifted an arm to feel the bandage on his head.

Remus immediately turned and looked for Sirius. He felt a small jab of disappointment when he didn't see him. Another sight, however, greeted him instead.

The Hospital Wing was buzzing with life, there were people everywhere and Madam Pomfrey was a hurricane of efficiency.

The other beds were occupied by Avery, Mulciber, Wilkes and Snape.

Remus suddenly realised what that meant. Sirius had gone on some kind of crazy revenge-mission after he'd handed Remus over. Shit. That hadn't been the idea. At all.

Then Remus began wondering where Sirius was. He couldn't possibly have taken down four Slytherins without getting a scratch, could he?

Remus gingerly got to his feet. He needed to look for Sirius. He found him almost at once. He was lying in a bed behind a curtain a bit away from the others, which confirmed Remus' suspicion that it was Sirius' fault the Slytherins were here.

Sirius was looking quite fit apart from a black eye.

Sirius saw Remus and smiled weakly at him.

"What have you done?" Remus demanded to know.

"Oh, you noticed" Sirius said, biting his lip "I hexed Avery and Mulciber and hit Snivellus, a couple of times, then I had to knock Wilkes unconscious, before he could warn the others, he came strolling down the corridor just as I'd got a proper hold of Snivellus."

Remus sat down on Sirius' bed "I did what I did to make them leave you alone" he said in a low voice "How are you expecting them to do that if you run around hexing and hitting them?"

Sirius stared blankly into the air "I've told you before, it isn't your battle." Then he suddenly turned to look at Remus and asked almost in a whisper: "What are we?"

Remus was confused. He had no idea what Sirius was talking about. Before he could open his mouth to ask, Sirius continued.

"We're not friends, we're not boyfriends, what are we?" Sirius' gaze pierced Remus "Merlin, we're not even secret lovers, because then I'd get to fuck you."

Remus stared at him and bluntly said: "Fine, let's have sex then."

Sirius looked as if he was going to burst out laughing and start to cry at the same time.

"That's not the point. I don't want to _be _your secret lover. I want to be your boyfriend, you twat. I can't do this anymore. I don't want secret meetings and hurried snogs when no one is looking. I want to stroll through the castle holding your hand, get a detention for tipping over a kettle in potions while snogging you, go on a date in Hogsmeade, give you stupid little presents, call off quiditch practice to snuggle with you," Sirius said, sounding more and more desperate.

In any other context this would probably have melted Remus' heart, but his mind had stopped at _I can't do this anymore._

Sirius continued: "I can't do it, I just can't. I'm sorry Remus. I thought I could. Thought that if that was what I could get then I'd take it, but it's tearing me up."

Sirius looked at Remus as if expecting him to say something, but Remus didn't' know what he could say. He couldn't give Sirius any of these things. He avoided looking at Sirius.

When he finally looked at Sirius he knew that the other boy understood. Sirius tore the blanket aside and strode out of The Hospital Wing with determined steps.

Remus still sat at the bed. He buried his face in the hands.

xXxXxXxXx

Over a week had passed and Remus still felt utterly miserable.

He had a constant tight ball of coldness clutching his stomach, making it impossible to eat, sleep or anything else.

He missed Sirius. They were of course still friends as before, but Remus missed the special look in Sirius' eyes and the intimacy. The hugs, the caresses, the kisses…

Remus snapped back to reality "Remus" Amy said for what quite possibly could be the tenth time.

"Yes?" Remus replied. They were sitting in the commonroom in front of the fireplace. It was Friday night and the bittercold winter was starting to show its face. The main part of the Gryffindors was huddled in the commonroom, as near the fire as possible.

"Are you even listening?" Amy said, rolling her eyes.

"Ummm, of course I am" Remus said, desperately trying to recall what she'd just asked him.

She eyed him suspiciously "That's funny. For a second there it looked almost like you were staring into the air thinking of something else."

"You asked me if I were coming to the game tomorrow. Yes, I think so" Remus said. He didn't feel like going, but he didn't want to answer any questions.

He felt a tiny stab of guilt by seeing Amy as often as he did, but then he remembered that he and Sirius wasn't… didn't have a… thing anymore.

One time, when they were sitting in their usual empty classroom, Sirius had asked him to stop seeing Amy.

_"Why" Remus had demanded to know "You know, I think I fancy blokes, Sirius."_

_"Because I don't like her touching you like that when I'm not allowed to do that in public" Sirius had said._

_"I became friends with Amy just after you'd dumped her," Remus had said with a hint of coolness in his voice, "She was devastated. Have you even considered how many girls you've made sad by your reckless behaviour? You can't act like that, Sirius."_

_"I started doing it, because I thought I couldn't get you" Sirius had replied in a low voice that had made Remus' heart melt._

_"All right, I'll cut the Amy-thing down if you want" Remus had said before drowning in Sirius' kiss._

If Remus thought about it, he hadn't seen Sirius with a girl since then.

Remus shook the thoughts off before they started hurting.

"I'm exhausted" Remus said, faking a yawn, "I think I'll be off to bed now."

Amy eyed him concerned "Goodnight, Rem"

xXxXxXxXx

Remus stood in the commonroom waiting for Amy to get dressed. James and Sirius had gone to the pitch already, they had to change to quidditch robes. Peter had, as always, tagged along, the same had Lily after James had looked at her with huge puppy eyes and asked her to.

Amy came down the stairs and immediately ran to hug Remus, something she seemed to have gotten quite fond of lately. Remus patted her awkwardly on the back before pulling back.

Amy put a hand on his arm "Are you allright, Rem?" she asked softly, "You've seemed incredibly off lately."

"Umm, actually. Would you mind coming with me?" Remus said hesitant, already regretting his decision.

Amy opened her pale blue eyes in surprise, but followed him out of the portrayhole.

Remus positioned himself in a windowsill.

"What if I told you that I'm gay?" Remus asked, almost in a whisper as Amy sat down beside him.

"It's Sirius, isn't it?" Amy immediately asked, but not in a bitter voice as Remus had expected she would if he ever told her. Instead she had an almost smug expression on her face.

Remus felt his face go scarlet.

"I knew it" she exclaimed "Merlin, Rem. That's so cute."

"Cute?" Remus shrieked, "I'm telling you that I'm a bloody shirtlifter who fancies your ex and you think it's _cute?_"

She shrugged "Sirius is a prat, but I think you would be good for him. He's always doing everything he can to help you and make you happy. And you seem more relaxed when you're with him. You'd fit together perfectly. Lily thinks so too." The last part was said in a tone that indicated, that if Lily agreed, it had to be true.

"You've debated that?" Remus exclaimed shocked.

"Well of course. Haven't you noticed the looks he's always shooting at you?" She said with her eyebrows raised, "Especially when I hug you," she added in a smug tone.

Remus' face must have shown his confusion, because she continued.

"Yeah, I have kind of a confession to make…" she said, twitching her hands "I might have… you know… seemed a bit more affected by my and Sirius' breakup than I really was"

Remus had no idea what she was talking about.

"Lily and I thought that you and Sirius would make an adorable couple so it's possible that we… set you up… a bit" she was now avoiding Remus' gaze completely "He's always so protective of you so we thought that if we made him a bit jealous he would finally do something about the crush he's had on you for ages."

Remus knew that he should be furious, but in reality he wasn't. He was... oddly happy. It wouldn't hurt Amy to see Sirius with Remus and if Amy could accept it, then why wouldn't everyone else?

Remus suddenly knew what he wanted. He didn't care anymore.

He quickly hugged Amy "Thank you" he smiled at her, when she shot him a puzzled look.

Remus ran down the stairs as fast as he could, wanting to talk to Sirius before the game began.

Remus was completely out of breath by the time he reached the pitch. He allowed himself to take one deep breath before running out on the grass.

Both the teams, Slytherin and Gryffindor were standing on the pitch with their brooms in hand.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted.

Sirius' head shot up and a puzzled expression crossed his handsome face before Remus reached him.

Remus flung his arms around Sirius' neck and crashed their lips together. Sirius quickly drew his head back, but didn't remove Remus' arms.

"What are you doing?" he hissed, "Everyone is watching."

"I don't care. Not anymore" Remus said, then he suddenly got nervous "If it's too late I understand, but could you please give me one more chance? I've really missed…"

Remus' babbling was cut off by Sirius sliding the arm that wasn't holding his broom, around Remus' waist.

Remus' lifted his face and looked into Sirius' stormy eyes and his soft, surprised smile.

"You could have showed up on my doorstep in twenty years and it still wouldn't be too late" Sirius said hoarsely "Now shut up and kiss me."

Remus happily obeyed.

"Will you get the fuck off the field?" someone on the tribunes shouted,

Remus grinned sheepishly and let go of his boyfriend.

**The end.**

* * *

That's it o.o my very first chapter-fic is complete o.o Hope you enjoyed reading it just half as much as I enjoyed writing it ^^

Thank you for reviewing, it means a lot to me ^^

I might do a re-uploade one day if I'm not too lazy ^^ (or preoccupied with another fanfic :3)


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